When W and I were starting out on this journey we had some pretty funky protocols / rules. Mostly I responded to hand signals..... like a dog you might think. Yay I guess pretty much like a well trained dog.
On Sunday evening after a dinner of turkey and wine and apple pie we were sitting with our friends in the living room talking about anything and everything.
I was deep in conversation with the friend sitting beside me when I heard a snap of a finger... and immediately without thinking ... I turned and looked at W. He laughed and turned to the friend he was talking to and said something - I am not sure what and it isn't important to the topic. He obviously was demonstrating how he used to summon me.
Since Sunday I have been thinking about that snap of his fingers - and another discussion we had the same evening about humiliation and degradation play. I had declared how I could NEVER stand that sort of play.
But have been wondering - if I was (and obviously still am ) trained to respond to a snap of a finger - isn't that a bit humiliating??? a bit degrading?? a bit like being treated like a 'thing'???
And I used to love it....... I thrived on it.
So perhaps on some level I did engage in humiliation/degradation play..........something to think about ........