Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Thoughts from the Darkness






About a week ago - or so - I awoke suddenly - bang! - from some dream - couldn't remember the dream but there was a word - one word - etched into my brain - tattooed to the back of my eyelids.............. DEATH

At first it scared the hell out of me.  It all ties in (I think) with the post I wrote here - about the growing older thing.   I really do seem to be more than a little obsessed with the end of my life.

Of course I am still waiting for the hospital to call - to start the tests - to find out what is going on in the old body parts.  One part of me doesn't want to do it all again and gets sick at the thought of the phone ringing with the appointment.  Another part of me wants to get on with it.

It's a bit strange though....that dream - that word DEATH - has settled me down a bit.  I am not quite the bundle of nerves I have been.  I seem to have developed a "what is to be will be" kind of attitude.

I have also decided I have been the picture of perfect behaviour for too long...always worrying about hurting someone's feelings.  Especially - since -  just recently - people don't seem to care what effect their words have on me. No more - I am going to speak up for myself  more ............ not allow nasty cracks about W to float over my head.  Nope no more !!

AND strange as this sounds - but the other night I decided I wanted a bucket list.  I have heard a few people talking about their bucket list and I found it amusing.  BUT then I thought - there are things I really would like to do.......... so I have started a bucket list of my own.  It only has 3 items on it right now......... and not very adventuresome - but I plan to add to it as time goes on........... and hopefully get to cross some of them off before............. well just before............

If you want to see my bucket list - I have added it to the right hand side of this page.. just under the "Vote for my Blog"............... 

  

4 comments:

abby said...

Buckets lists are great fun...both in anticipation and in the doing. I have done 1 and 2 on your list..and i am betting 3 happens for you!
hugs abby

Blondie said...

Good for you for! Like your attitude. I have been thinking about a bucket list too.

little monkey said...

I have one. I think they are a wonderful tool to help make life more mindful, at least for me.

Ava Grace said...

I look forward to seeing you add to your bucket list :) I love articulating all that I want to achieve or do or whatever before 'the end' because it makes me so excited about living! ava x