Thursday, September 26, 2013
Crisis of faith
Crisis of faith is a term commonly applied, especially in Western culture, to periods of intense doubt and internal conflict about one's preconceived beliefs or life decisions.
I realized last week that I was feeling very conflicted about BDSM - THE lifestyle - and - if I am going to be totally honest - the people in it.
I still have a clear picture of who I am - and where I should fit, in the scheme of things. My problem stems from everyone else around me. When this lightbulb moment happened - I thought to myself - this must be why some people go off and join monasteries or nunneries. The world around me seems out of focus - off kilter - running amok and I don't feel I fit in to this brave new world - so to speak.
I want to go back to the basics........... but no one seems interested in the basics anymore. Mostly people are quibbling - and pointing fingers. Mostly people are vying for attention "I am the best" - for notoriety (and claiming their not!!! never would!!! that they are SO different from all the others who are prancing peacocks) It feels like people are going for the shock value (have you seen all the blood and gore pictures over on Fetlife??) It feels to me like folks are searching for fast faceless fucks and quick fixes.
The beauty and grace is gone. It is the stuff television shows and movies are made of. It's all make up and dress up and let's pretend. It's all for show. It's shallow and base and it makes me want to "get me to a nunnery"............... I am having a crisis of faith.