Saturday, July 27, 2013
I read something over on fetlife - well there have been more than a few articles written on "permission protocols" but this one made me stop and think - and nod - and then finally say "YES"
Our protocols - rules if you like - were often frowned upon in the general BDSM community. At the beginning I was confused by this and yeah - sometimes I was hurt. IF W and I decided that we wanted rules or protocols in our relationship - why shouldn't we have them?? What business was it of anyone else???
But then it was pointed out to me that some of the rules/protocols involved other people - and that wasn't consensual and therefore broke the first rule of BDSM - everything has to be consensual! Can I say confusing????!!! The thing I loved about BDSM (besides the spankings, floggings, whips and chains oh my!!) were protocols and rules. and yet here I was being told they were non-consensual for other people.
Now you might be asking yourself if they were OUR rules/protocols how did they impact other folks. Here's an example................IF someone requested a "friendship" on Fetlife - I had to explain to them that I had to get permission from Sir before I could friend anyone. That rule involves other people in our dynamic - in our rules.
HOWEVER - if that someone who wants to friend me - does not like our rule about permission - they are free to withdraw their request. Right?? So it is still consensual - they can say "NO".
And yeah see - this rule about friendship requests - just makes perfect sense to me - even in a vanilla world. Why in god's name would I want to sneak around behind W's back making "friends" without telling him??? Do you get it?? Friends should be shared. It doesn't mean I have to like all of W's friends - or that he has to like all mine - but no one should "hide" friendships... that just leads to problems I think.
A lot of folks have never understood our protocols/rules. It always made me feel I had to hide them - not talk about them - keep them hidden like something dirty and perverted. How weird is THAT?? in a perverted community I am hiding something as simple as "rules I live by".
I am not saying I am gonna shout them from the roof tops - or insist everyone live by them and if they don't they are "doing it all wrong" .. no no no.... all I am saying is respect my right to live by them. Simple eh??
And that dear friends is just some early Saturday morning thinking.................
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