Friday, May 03, 2013
Ya know - for a long time I have struggled with my inner demon "jealousy" I remember a long while back - being so upset by a submissive who was interested in W and W in her (if the truth be told) that I seriously considered walking away - no - running away.
I didn't understand these feelings of jealousy - and I didn't understand why W didn't understand them - and why he didn't just make them go away.
I have felt ashamed of these feelings of jealousy. I would read about poly families and wonder at the apparent ease the partners felt and I figured there was something very wrong with me.............. so I hid the shame away and didn't want to admit to these feelings cause everyone else could do it right?? So there must be something very wrong with me.
Until this week ............
I read a blog entry on Fetlife (sometimes it does have gems hidden among all the drama). And I went AH HA !! If you want to read the whole entry click HERE
First of all - I realized I am not alone with these feelings of jealousy. And the Domme who wrote the piece managed to explain it so well I actually felt it was ok to have these feelings of jealousy.
For me it was all summed up in this bit
"Their sense of servitude makes them feel guilty of feeling jealous because they know this is what their Dominant wants/needs. Now they not only feel jealous, anxious and threatened, they are feeling guilty and like a bad submissive".
And at the very end she validated my feelings that submissives who chat up Dominants are just not following "the rules" ........ She believes in protocols - something W and I love ............. this little protocol would make things easier for me - not perfect for sure - but definitely easier..........
Sometimes it helps that when another submissive wishes to play with the Dominant that they should first approach the collared/owned submissive (which is a protocol I fully believe in myself)
This weekend really was the worst of times....... Saturday Sir Steve and I had plans - shopping then lunch out and a movie..........
I've been celebrating my submissiveness for over 25 years. For most of those years the image I had in my head looked pretty much ...