Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Furthing the Discussion.....
A couple of days ago - I wrote a blog entry about discretion and how difficult it makes to get feedback on someone in the BDSM community.
I received a few comments - that I think will add to the "discussion"
A Lurker (cute nick by the way) said:
"Should people ask for references when starting any relationship, considering living together or getting married? Is dating like that grace period where everyone is on their best behavior? What if marriage licences had probationary periods? Just some of the weird thoughts racing around in my head!"
And Ordalie added:
"when you meet someone you observe and listen and deduce what he/she's like. And that takes a bloody long time. You marry someone and it may take months or even years before you can finally judge if he/she was worthy of your trust."
I agree with A Lurker it isn't easy to start ANY relationship. But there is one big difference between a 'vanilla' relationship and a BDSM 'relationship'. You aren't looking to find someone to tie you up - beat you - cut you - stick needles into you - or light up your life with a little electricity play.
Someone made an observation a while back - that the BDSM community is ripe to attract all sorts of abusers/stalkers/lunatics in the guise of a Dom/Master. We really do have to pay close attention to the people we are interested in - or who are interested in us.... and we have to reign in the frenzy that over takes us when we start out on this journey....... wanting everything NOW.
And Ordalie - yes you are right too. All the references and vetting in the world doesn't mean you are not gonna discover some faults in the person you hook up with... absolutely not. All I hope for - for folks looking - is that they have the months and years to find the other's faults :)