Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Abuse vs. BDSM

A long long while ago I wrote a piece entitled Abuse vs. BDSM.  I thought perhaps it would be a good time to resurrect that piece.......



What is abuse?

The oxford dictionary defines abuse as "treating cruelly or violently - to speak in an insulting and offensive way".

Conservative estimates show statistics of 1 million women suffering nonfatal violence by an intimate each year.  Nearly 1 in 3 adult women will experience at least one physical assault during adulthood.




How to Recognise Domestic Abuse:

        - hitting, slapping, threatening.

        - forcing sexual acts.

        - isolation from family and friends.

        - constant drain on your finances.

        - constantly having to watch what you say.

        - you feel worthless.

        - you are blamed for all their misfortunes.

        - extreme jealousy.

        - inappropriate outbursts.

        - verbal behaviour of interrupting, threats, name calling.



        (Note: any or all of the above may be present in a relationship suffering from Domestic abuse)





How does Domestic Violence differ from BDSM??

- S/m is based on SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL:

Abuse is NOT negotiated.

- S/m is a controlled environment:

Abuse is an out of control environment.

- S/m has safe words to stop the scene:

Abuse does not use safe words

- the dominant looks out for the well being of the submissive :

Abusers do not care about the victim.

- both partners enjoy the exchange:

In Abuse no one is enjoying the exchange.

- S/m is about trust:

in an Abusive relationship there is no trust.

- S/m builds self esteem:

Abuse destroys self-esteem.

- S/m builds the spirit of the submissive:

An Abuser destroys the spirit of the victim.

- S/m there is mutual respect:

in Abusive relationships there is no respect.



Some final thoughts:

    - remember NO ONE has the right to abuse you.

    - you are not responsible for the violence.

    - you are also not alone - find support groups - find someone who can talk with you and advise you.

    - find out about shelters .



If you are a submissive woman, or man, confronted with abuse - remember you did not bring this on yourself! You showed your trust and submissiveness and what happened is that both your trust and your body were abused. You deserve to be helped and supported. And you have the right to be respected.



 "if thou dost ill, the joy fades, not the pains. If well, the pain doth fade, the joy remains." -Benjamin Franklin

note:  i am sorry for the spacing - but somehow taking the article from the format it was in and transferring it to blogger has somehow screwed up the formatting.  








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