Friday, April 26, 2013

Slowly disappearing





It is extremely weird - this feeling I have.

I have spent the better part of this week wiping out my "identity".  I have cancelled my electricity -- i have cancelled my phone - i have cancelled my hot water -- i have cancelled my home security - i have cancelled cable - Slowly my life is disappearing.

I have been rooting through drawers and files and destroying everything that I no longer need.  
 
In four weeks - technically - I will be homeless.  

And though the brain knows I am moving to W's and will have my identity linked to his...my heart still feels as though I am slowly disappearing..............  

It is a very weird feeling 

3 comments:

Sue said...

Someone, long ago, told me: "Doors do not open until you quit leaning against them." This is your door -- what you are "cancelling" are the things that hold you in this place. They constitute the things that keep you from being able to dance through the open door to the life that you have dreamed of for a very, very long time.

There is a lot of change happening for you, very quickly. It is unsettling. But, you are not disappearing. You are becoming the dream.
Hugs, swan

Ordalie said...

Morningstar, you're not disappearing, you're just turning a page and that's completely different!
Your identity is not linked to electricity, phone or home security, for God's sake!
I'm sure it's not the first time you've moved house.
I know, it's not only a change of house but a change of life. Still, don't worry, if you've got the blues today it won't last, do believe me!

lili said...

morningstar,

i understand exactly how you feel. But ask yourself this:

"Is this because i have to or is this because i choose to?"

If you chose it, you're not disappearing, you're just blooming. Lest i remind you of the film Secretary?

If i recall correctly, there is a tale of you sitting in the movie theater watching that film, and when Spader's character said, "We can't live like this 24 hours a day, seven days a week," i believe the story goes that it was you who hollered out before everyone else, "Why not?"

Do you really think a caterpillar looks at the cocoon walls they've lived in, transformed in and felt safe in, and said, "Oh boy, I can't wait to get out of here!!!"

Um, no. At least not to me.

Breathe and take your time. You can never, never disappear sweetie. Too many people love and value you for who YOU are!

Besides, who else can take bondage tape to secure a hyperactive child and disguise it as "wrapping paper ribbon"?

Only the morningstar.