Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I do believe I have some form of writer's block. I get little unfocused ideas of things to say and then they just blow away - or I decide they really have no validity or worth.
Last evening I said to W "I want my life back !!" and I do. Cause it feels like this thing in my belly has stolen it........ stolen the joy and excitement from my life.
And I hate whining - and I feel as though all I am doing these days is whining.......
I made it to the first stepping stone (see Saturday's post) and I am stuck there... I felt so damn good Saturday - going shopping (and you all know how much I hate shopping) BUT then I had to stop at the druggist and pick up the pills I have to take tomorrow night for Thursday's procedure. It was a simple task .......... pick up the pills and move on. Only thing is ......... they wouldn't give me the pills till I talked to the head pharmacist. She asked a whole mess of personal questions.......... and me - feeling like a deer caught in the headlights - answered them - instead of telling her to go to hell - it was none of her business. Questions like "why did your doctor prescribe these pills?" (my answer - because I am having a biopsy done) Question "a biopsy??? why??" (and I answered her - but she didn't need to know - did she??) Finally she handed over the two damn pills with a look - it is difficult to explain - but a look that said more than words could ever say. AND the rock was back in my stomach and I just wanted to run home and curl up on the sofa and hide.
Wanna know something weird (or maybe stupid??)
Yesterday I pulled out my Chinese fortune sticks and threw them. The one that came out first said " You are going through a rough time right now. But with patience your fortunes will improve. Your health will take some time to improve - but it will" (something like that - I didn't memorize it)
And so it goes......... I am stuck with writer's block ............ and a rock in my gut... and a vague promise that things WILL get better.