Wednesday, January 09, 2013


In ten days I will get my biopsy results.  My stomach has been in knots since I got home from Kingston.  It's more than stomach knots - my body is cold - I run home between shifts and lock the door - like I am gonna lock the fear outside - stupid me!  My muscles are tight and tensed - my blood pressure is elevated - I can barely eat - I cry at the slightest thing.  oh yeah - I am living in fear.

AND I am angry - life is finally turning around for me - and now this!!!???  It makes me bloody angry............... 

I have tried all the tricks to cope with this fear - and nothing is working - nothing! 

I just have to hang on for 10 days and hope that whatever comes I will find the strength to deal with it 


Sir said...

I feel so useless that I can't help you in your time of stress..

All the words in the world can't/won't help you.

Just know that you aren't alone in this.


abby said... are not alone, although I do realize it very much feels like it. IF you can. write here. lose your self in a movie or good book.
hugs abby

Anonymous said...

Hang in there morningstar. You have many friends and readers who are sending good positive thoughts your way.
I can emphathize with your feelings. A biopsy on my mole come back as a stage 2 malignant melanoma. The 3 weeks I had to wait for surgery to remove it was simply awful. No words can describe the fear and anxiety I felt during that time. I did practice deep breathing to calm myself and then visualized the bad skin cancer cells being attacked and eaten up by good 'protector' cells. Itfelt like I was doing something proactive while waiting for surgery. I tried not to think about how bad it might be or that it might still be growing. Was afraid those negative thoughts would make things worse.

As your Sir W said all the words in the world may not help, just know you are not alone.


Sue said...

Just sending hugs...


BlazngScarlet said...

Anything I say sounds trite ..... but just know that there's many people here who care and worry.
Thinking of you .....

Ana said...

Thinking of you and sending as much strength as I can. You WILL get through these days, it's the waiting that is so difficult. In my experience we can deal with concrete things we can't deal with unknowns. I hope tomorrow is a reasonable day - it will at least be one less to wait.



Hoping for the best, hang in there.


Penelope said...

Hugs and good thoughts - I hope things go well.

kaya said...

Sending positive energy your way!

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