Monday, October 29, 2012
It should have been a fantastic weekend - W was down - my kids had my birthday celebration - we visited with friends - ate Sunday dinner out - It should have been a fantastic weekend.
BUT it wasn't.
I seem to be on this constant downward spiral - and yes I know as long as I think about it - give in to it - it won't change. I know that !!! Now if someone can find the magic button to stop this downward spiral I would push it in an instant.
Even sex didn't work this weekend - didn't work as in "it's broke - it don't work anymore"............. and yeah I am guessing it is cause my mental state is going from bad to worse - maybe even to worst-est. But it eats at me - ya know. The one thing I have felt good about is - I was always "on" when it came to sex - any type of sex - soft sex - rough sex - upside down sex...... didn't matter I always wanted it - needed it - craved it.
And W tried - god how he tried ......... and it didn't work - It felt good - but let's just say I didn't quite make the grade........... "it's broke - it don't work anymore"
Something has to give soon............. has to............ cause honestly I don't know how much longer I can just muddle along like this................