Tuesday, August 28, 2012
"SHUNNED" - that damn word seems to be popping up in my life a lot these days..... AND - I do not like it all.
The most recent shunning is something that has left me with my jaw on the floor and my mind in a whirl.
Now don't get me wrong - let's get this bit straight right off the mark. IF you start a BDSM group - you are the boss - and you set the rules ... I have to follow them. IF I don't much like your rules I can leave your group (or not join in the first place) .....
Now W and I are tip toeing around the various groups in Kingston - trying to get to know folks - their belief system - their rules and protocols - THEM. We have been to two dinner munches - one breakfast munch - and one slosh...... oh yeah and one play party. The dinner munches were run by one group - the breakfast and slosh (and play party) by another group. The dinner munches were casual and comfortable and we felt welcome.
The breakfast munch was difficult because we really didn't know anyone - the slosh we knew some folks but not many. The play party - the only thing I really remember is not feeling that welcome - and feeling as though - no matter how hard I tried to be friendly - cheeky - it wasn't received all that well........... I felt awkward and very much like a newbie - and blamed no one but myself - and my insecurities.
I was determined to persevere because hey - it's probably me right? Everyone else seems happy and included.
At the slosh - there was one woman who approached me. Turns out she was the head of "education" (Ok now I have to admit that threw me - didn't know I had joined a school - but hey - if they are into educating newbies more power to 'em) She wanted to know what I thought I had to offer the group in the way of education - and what if anything I would like to learn. We talked about how I have been in the lifestyle for over 25 years and that I would gladly offer to work with submissives - in any capacity she thought would work - AFTER I moved to Kingston. I remember this woman because she was warm and open and friendly AND most importantly.... made me feel included.
Since that slosh - I have read of her efforts to get workshops going - find animators and participants - and to continue to find out what people wanted. She seemed - in my humble opinion - to be going about this "educating" process in all the right ways....... finding out what people needed/wanted and then trying to offer it......... (rather than some folk who decide what others need - offer workshops and wonder why they don't fly)
All of that to say.......... yesterday I read some emails that this woman and her husband have been "shunned" from the group - banished and shunned. Those are the exact words used. WTF???!! No reason given - just the fact that no one in the group should have anything to do with them. (and if the leaders of the group want to argue that one with me - let's go at !!! SHUNNING means no one can have any contact with them)
Makes me wonder why I would want to stay in a group that seems to be a dictatorship......
BUT then I go back to my opening paragraph about the group being owned by someone and everyone else has to play by his rules. I guess I am just worried about what his rules are .......... BECAUSE to wake up one morning and to find out I had been put on the "shunned/banned" list publicly would humiliate me ...... and I don't do humiliation well................
Drama and politics - it would seem I can't get away from it.............