Saturday, August 25, 2012

4 A.M.



I rolled over and peered through sleep crusted eyes at the clock beside the bed - the numbers told me it was 4 AM.
It was dark in my room - and the humidity was high - my sheets stuck to my body.  I swore - not so quietly.  Too bloody early to be up on a Saturday morning !

But my body was awake - and years of experience have taught me - when the body is awake - there's no point fighting it.  So I peeled the sweat soaked sheets off my body and made my way to the office - flicking on the pc.  

The world is quiet at 4 A.M. and I kept  telling myself I like 4 A.M. - the total quiet , stillness - darkness ......... feeling wrapped up in some sort of cocoon that keeps the outside world from invading.

But this morning my mind went tripping over "stuff" ...... from staffing still not done at school - to selling my lil home - to actually moving to Kingston - to W leaving in a week.  And there my brain stuck.  W will be gone in one week (give or take a day) and I will be alone.  

W tells me logically that he won't be gone - he is just a little further away - we will still email frequently every day - we will still see each other on weekends (except the seeing each other will involve a 3 hour drive and maybe bad roads ) BUT.... I am smart enough to know there will be weekends when we don't feel like doing the 3 hour drive for only a few hours together ...........and I keep thinking I still have 10 months till I move - ohhhh what if my lil house doesn't sell??? how do I keep up the payments on it??? How do I stay here when my heart - my love is in Kingston??? 

4 A.M can be the time when nightmares scar the quiet still calm - and leave me feeling rattled.

5 comments:

Ordalie said...

Any train connections from Kingston? Far much safer in winter...
A three-hour drive is a bit too much when winter closes in!

morningstar said...

oh yes ordalie - there are great train schedules between here and Kingston - In fact I just booked my seat for Thanksgiving weekend :) :)

thankfully I receive a senior's discount - and for Thanksgiving they have a 50% seat sale :) :) it will be cheaper than driving YAY!!

Buffalo said...

I can't think of anything worth saying.

Spankedhortic II said...

Sometimes I forget how big other countries are. If I drive for three hours, in any direction from my door, I would end up any one of five different countries and there is no way I could stay in Belgium without taking a circular rout. Three hours sounds a lot to me, the train does sound like the best option in the winter. It is only for a short time though, I hope that it passes easily.

Prefectdt

BlazngScarlet said...

My dear morningstar, I understand how you feel.
My drive to see Jack is 5 hours (on a good day), and yes, winter time can be quite challenging.
I've been doing this for 4 years now ... and I just keep reminding myself of the prize at the end of the road.

I know you can do it; just focus on the positives!