Saturday, July 21, 2012
Morningstar's Rule #1
We were out for dinner last evening with some friends (the beginning I think of a few farewell dinners over the next month - well farewell for W )
It is always so nice to actually have quality conversation time with friends (instead of quick chatter that tends to happen at munches and play parties) We got to talking about this submissive (who happens to be in Kingston) who had written to me a while back asking (based on my blog - god help the poor girl !!) if I would mentor her. She's so new to BDSM she's all shiny and dewy eyed.
W has had a few email conversations with her.......... probably more than I do actually ........ and one of those email conversations turned into teasing..........which is very much W's style.
After a bit this girl stopped the emails and informed W she was gonna send me the chats to make sure I was "ok" with what was going on. I was impressed.......... and the first thought that came to mind was "this girl has manners". No sneaking around behind my back - out in the open - no fears.
This episode came up at dinner last evening. And we were talking about how often subbies think they can just flutter their eyelashes (so to speak) and the Dom will go all squishy and do as they ask .......... (that's just wrong on so many different levels)
I shared how this was one trait makes me see red. I have this code that says "it's mine do NOT touch !!! not without my blessing" and I figure the same holds true for me ...... no one touches me without W's blessing and yes yes I know - a lot of BDSM practitioners believe the Dom can do whatever the hell he wants to do........ and the subbie gets no say.
NOT IN MY WORLD......... and if that attitude drums me out of the subbie corps so be it.
I shared how there is a subbie on the edges of our life who does just that.......... shows up on W's doorstep - most of the time with no warning or 'by your leave' and it makes my blood boil and she doesn't get it (always asking "what did I do wrong that has made her so angry??) - BUT I think W is getting it.......... I shared how this cavalier attitude was part of our undoing - part of the reason W and I took a "sabbatical" for those months a while back.
Trust ............. small word with big meaning for me. I have to trust that I am more than enough for W. He has to trust he is enough for me. Without that understanding it just isn't gonna work for me....for us!!!
Go back and read the cartoon at the top of this blog entry....
it made me smile ......... and added a decorating idea for the new home...... I thought what a cool way to display knives....... (and trust me I now have quite a few).......... In 12 months when I am living with W ......... the knives will guard the gates of our little kingdom I think........... and it ain't gonna end well if subbies just show up unannounced at our door............ (cheeky grin)