Saturday, July 28, 2012
We are going to Oubliette today. For those of you who don't know or for those of you who have forgotten .......... "Oubliette" means small dungeon in french. And Oubliette is a party we go to up North for the day.
The party starts around 2ish and goes till about 2ish. We bring our toys and food to barbeque and it is one big party. It is kind of fun actually . Mainly because it is outside high heels and fet wear are more or less forgotten. Everyone comes in some casual style of Fetwear and we all play and hang out - and then have a communal barbeque. All in all it is a fun day....... especially if it doesn't rain or isn't too hot!!
This morning I have been thinking (yes again !!) about how I have little if any enthusiasm about play parties these days. I was beginning to wonder if the exhibitionist inside me has gone........ if the thrill of playing in public has gone....... WHAT is it that makes me ambivalent about play parties??? me the one who used to count down the days till the next one.. who used to beg to go to all the parties in town... what has happened to me??
Everyone else still loves these parties...... everyone else still goes to them...... (everyone else and then some!) and my mother's words came back to haunt me.......the whole world can NOT be wrong and you be the only one right! Therefore the problem has to be with me right???
And I realized yes ... for the most part the problem IS indeed with me.
It used to be you knew at a glance who were the Doms and who were the subs. The subs were easy to spot - they were (generally) running around taking care of the Doms... specifically their Doms. They were teased and mildly humiliated and loved every minute of it. And the subs (when things were quietish) would congregate together and compare notes - plan subbie revolts (very tongue in cheek) and giggle and laugh together - but always with one ear open for that snap of a finger or the quiet name called.
There was a community feeling - and that is missing today.
Today everyone congregates together - and everyone is treated equal (which I suppose is ok to a certain point) There is an "etiquette" - for lack of a better term - missing though. Doms ask subs if they want to play - and subs agree - it used to be Doms would ask other Doms IF they could play with the sub (I am talking collared owned subs here) .... subs stood back and waited for a Dom to recognise them - before speaking - even in greeting....... subs followed Doms around just a foot or two behind them - unless told to stay.
I don't know - to the uninitiated - it probably sounds like a whole lot of gobble-de-gook - but there was something very elegant to it (in my mind).
You see that is how I learned to DO BDSM - and there was something comforting in it.. something very "feng shui" about it..... it felt right and it flowed and everyone knew what was expected of them - everyone knew the rules and followed them.
You did all this at home - in private - but it was so good to do it all in a safe public arena - and it felt good to know your behaviour was (in a way) being graded by other Doms and subs alike. And you wanted to be good - to make your Dom proud of you !!! It was fulfilling and rewarding.
I wish we could get away from the "have whip - will travel " mentality ..... and get back to a slower more "graceful" time. But then I am old - a dinosaur - and perhaps long for the past - instead of adapting to the present.