Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I just sent W an email - one where i admitted (as difficult as that was) that i am blue today and I don't know why...........
It happens from time to time - my getting blue - not as much as it used to - but it still happens. And I know as much as today is a blue day - tomorrow will probably be better...... especially if I remember to "breathe". W tells me that all the time "Breathe" he says and I do......... and it helps.
Someone (I can't remember who or when ) told me that every day from September to June I can say "this is my last First day of School - or the last Sept 30th - or the last whatever " for the entire school year - and what a great feeling that will be ............ I know they were trying to be cheerful and helpful about my surviving my last year of work........ but now........ well now it makes me sad. I don't know anything except working ....... and as much as I bitch about it - and as much as I WILL be glad to retire - there is something sad about it too........ an ending.
And then I think from now till this time next year - every day will be my last - my last summer in my secret garden - my last Christmas in my lil home - my last birthday here - and though I AM glad and excited to be moving to Kingston with W......... it still makes me a little sad that there are all these endings...........