Thursday, June 07, 2012

Overload






There are mornings when I sit with my coffee at the pc before school - and my heart pounds and my mind whirls and spins and buzzes - and I realize I am fast approaching overload.

June is always a bad month........... always....... for as long as I can remember.  I have come to see it as the month of endings.......... and endings are always a bit sad - no matter how natural.

This June is no different....... I have paperwork to finish off (mountains of paper work) I have paperwork to organise and get ready for August (mountains of paper work).  I have kids clinging - wanting every ounce of attention I can give them before they wander off into the great big world for the summer without the security of school....... of the routines.. of me.  I have staff chomping at the bit - wondering if they will have work next year.  I have more openings opening up than there is staff in the whole BOARD (god bless the Board for preparing for all the retirements coming up - NOT)  

Then I have my little school out on the Island that I need to close down.  I need to pack up 20 plus years of teaching in that one little room and get it out (to where god only knows - just get it out) ...... I have paperwork to get done to shut it down forever - and companies to call hoping against hope I will get some sort of refund for closing down early.

And then............ W's had an offer on his house...... it should / maybe / probably will close by the end of next week.  And our dream starts to become a reality.  And my mind is filled with thoughts of finding a new home for both of us - of finding a home with LOTS of room ...... and wondering how in god's name we will combine two houses filled with years of memories into one house without LOTS and LOTS of room.  I look around my lil home and honestly I fill up with tears - all the things that have come through so many stages of life with me....... so many things that I can't imagine living without - and I wonder which ones will be sacrificed for this new life adventure........


This week I sold 6 items that have been with me since my first home...... things that came from Olive's house (those of you who have read here for any length of time have heard about Olive) I sold them to friends - cause I convinced myself that having those family heirlooms go to friends makes it a little easier to say goodbye........ but I lied to myself.  I walk through the house and the holes created by their going bring tears to my eyes......... gone forever..  and there are so many other things that must go......... 


And June marches steadily along to completion and I wonder if I will get to the end - without a meltdown and without pushing the "overload button"

4 comments:

Sue said...

For the endings, for the losses, for the dreams, and for the road ahead -- I am sending you warm energies and a hug.

swan

Anonymous said...

Transitions...difficult choices...moving on to new life...
so scary and overwhelming but yet exhilarating!

With W by your side, and a few pieces of Lady Godiva dark chocolate and a couple of bottles of good red wine, you will make it. :)

Congratulations on the sale of W's home.

Wishing you the best,
Joyce

Alice said...

My heart felt for you as I read this. All those changes and some of them feeling like endings. But Joyce is right - new beginnings just around the corner. Alice. X

BlazngScarlet said...

Please let me know if you get to the end of June without a meltdown ... and then, tell me how you did it!
I myself am in full thermo-nuclear meltdown .... and we have far too many days left in this craptacular month!