Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Cry a little tear
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling like crap - with a capital C. Baby grandson had had a snotty nose on Saturday and being the loving child he is - shared it with me. (IF he felt 1/2 as bad as I do - it's no wonder he was cranky)
Anyway - it was Monday - and Monday I was scheduled to put an hour in at school (6:30 - 7:30) then head off to the Island to empty out my Prek classroom. So I ignored the sore throat and achy bones and off I went.
By the time I got out to the Island it was like 30degrees. There is (of course) no air conditioning. I opened the door to my old classroom and memories came flooding back. Just under 30 years ago I opened that door for the first time. And here I was coming to clean out the room for good.
I went to work in the same way I always do - like gang busters. In no time at all I had filled box upon box ..... and stacked them by the door. Then once the kids were in their classes in the "big" school - I moved my car around and started loading up the car. I knew W was coming out to help me .... but I just kept pushing on. I stopped once and opened a binder filled with my lesson plans........... and I stood there mesmerized ,... it was like looking a memory right in the face. A multitude of voices and faces swirled around me... I slammed the book shut and stuffed it in a box.
By the time W got there - virtually everything I was bringing home was packed and loaded in my car. The only thing left was a HUGE toy box filled with neat wooden blocks. I had a pop up tent in the back seat that I intended to drop off with the grandkids. And a box of supplies that I intend to use at my"real" school next year.
W helped me carry the heavy box of blocks out to the car and the last box.... loaded up we headed down the road to drop off the tent. The grin on baby grandson's face was worth it.
Then we headed back to town. Driving down the highway I realized I was feeling more than a little shitty. My body was aching - sweat was pouring down my back (despite a/c in the car) - my limbs were shaking. AND I still had to unload all these boxes at school. W helped me drag them out of the two cars and up the stairs to the door. W basically carried them all in.. I was sitting in my office. W got me some tylenol and water and I downed them. Then I looked at W and just started crying. I was so tired!
But I realized when I got home and settled that the tears were for a project I started 30 years ago... a project I believed in.. loved... a project that grew beyond my wildest dreams... and that is now gone. Forever
The supplies/lesson plans are going to a brand new daycare that a young girl has opened on a wing and a prayer and not much else. My toys will be played with by a whole new generation of little ones. My dream of making children laugh will continue..... and that is quite some legacy I think.
This weekend really was the worst of times....... Saturday Sir Steve and I had plans - shopping then lunch out and a movie..........
I've been celebrating my submissiveness for over 25 years. For most of those years the image I had in my head looked pretty much ...