Friday, March 09, 2012

BDSM and relationships.




How has introducing BDSM into your relationship effected it, what things have changed? How has it made it better, and is there anything you find difficult with it in your dynamic?
 (it is interesting for me to see how two different sets of questions from two different people have more or less rounded out "my story") 




Funny thing is I didn't introduce BDSM into my relationship - we introduced vanilla ....... and that's where the problems were.

When W and I were playing just on Friday afternoons........ it was separate from everything else that went on in my life - separate from work - separate from family - separate from everything !!  It was just a handful of hours on a Friday for play time.

Then baby daughter wanted to meet W - wanted to vet him - wanted to make sure he wasn't some monster that was gonna leave me tied up and dead.  (Yes both my daughters know about my choice of lifestyle - we can go into that more on another day if anyone is interested)   Anyway - getting back to the meeting of baby daughter......... W and I went over to the apartment one afternoon and he met her and first born grandson.  We spent a happy afternoon hanging out - and the one thing I remember most from that afternoon was how impressed W was with my grandson and how polite he was (the grandson I mean!!)

And things went back to play on Friday - and our going our separate ways until the next time....... 

Then I don't know... it certainly wasn't supposed to happen - but I fell in love with W.  And to our Friday play times we added once or twice monthly outings to play parties and munches.  And then.......................... I invited him to Christmas Eve dinner.  A vanilla - completely and totally vanilla event.

And slowly but surely more and more vanilla times were spent together....... and the next thing ya know - we were together every single weekend (we live a "few" miles apart and moving in together for now is out of the question) 

BDSM was the predominant part of our relationship.  When we were together there was very little vanilla - we lived (forgive me W) in a fantasy world of sorts - insulated from most of the vanilla world around us.  BDSM slowly crept into my vanilla world - into our vanilla world............... and it really just didn't work.

My family started thinking that W didn't love me because he was "always ordering me around"....... people in the shops were looking at him funny cause he always gave me the bags to carry .... and made a point of announcing it wasn't HIS job it was mine.  (And in this day and age that doesn't go over too well) 

And then......... to make a long complicated story short and sweet ......... it all ended....... in a blink of an eye.  Poof gone... done.  10 years over (I think it was 10 - I'm not very good with dates )

We spent a few months apart - Truthfully I was miserable - missing W like crazy - but still hurt and nursing some gaping wounds.  W was hurt.  It was just awful.

Then we started to mend the broken fences - we dated - like a normal vanilla couple.  Everything we did involved vanilla activities - no BDSM.  We talked and talked and tried to sort out how to fix this very broken relationship.

And that's where you find us today......... in a vanilla relationship - with some BDSM thrown in from time to time.  (maybe the way we should have done it in the first place... but hell - neither of us - back then - were looking for vanilla  - so I am not sure how it could have been different)  We are trying to find a balance between the two worlds.... to "swirl" the vanilla into the BDSM or the BDSM into the vanilla... we are trying to find the right mix that works for both of us.

5 comments:

Renee said...

I am enjoying hearing your responses. So my question is the one you left unanswered here, how did your daughters find out?

JazzlynRayne said...

Thank you for your story, and I hope you and W find that perfect mix to blend your swirl ;)

sensualfreak said...

I don't know about beginning vanilla. Things seem a little blurry when attempting a vanilla relationship but this maybe due to my unsuccessful vanilla relationships. I think BDSM relationships are more defined and less likely to blur those lines.

My daughters also know about my lifestyle choices so I would love to hear about your experiences. Mine prefer to be blind...lol

Ordalie said...

"Both my daughters know about my choice of lifestyle - we can go into that more on another day if anyone is interested".
I am!

newgirl said...

Hey morningstar :)

As usual, i love reading your blog, and really enjoyed meeting you and W last night. you are a wonderful person, with an engaging spirit!

Have a great day today :)

angekquest