Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sometimes I feel like I don't "get it" ... that somehow or other I got to this ripe ole age without picking up some of the necessary life skills.
Sometimes I feel like an outsider looking in (hell a lot of the time!)
There's a whole mess of stuff I just don't get........ but this morning teasing tops the list.
Teasing seems to me like a form of bullying... a form of humiliation... a nasty game that children play ......... and more than a handful of adults. And I don't get it.
I don't understand what the teasers get out of teasing....... does it make them feel powerful??? does it make them feel good about themselves??? AND the 'teasees' how do they feel??? I am not sure....... cause if someone teases me relentlessly I am gonna curl up like a cobra and eventually I am gonna strike back - I will not tease in retaliation... I will strike and bite and it will sting and there will be no doubt someone has crossed the line.
Teasing makes me feel VERY uncomfortable - even if it is not directed at me. Teasing makes me throw up some walls around me. Teasing makes me pull back - go quiet - watch - and get a knot in my stomach. Teasing can and does make me stand up and leave....... even temporarily ...... find somewhere to hide ... to uncurl my cobra stance.. to take some deep breaths .... to settle my inner self.
I do not think that teasing is an acceptable form of social interaction. I don't understand why so many accept teasing as a socially acceptable form of interaction. I don't understand why I feel like I am left alone to feel lost and hurt and scared.... cause teasing does all those things to me.
Last evening there was a whole mess of teasing going on during the dinner party.... it started off slow and started to grow...... and repeat... and repeat again... I sat watching it going on around me like some film noir. Everyone else seemed (seemed being the operative word) to enjoy it - or tolerate it. I couldn't do either.
I just keep going back to teasing being a nasty form of bullying and humiliation. I don't understand it... I doubt I ever will. I do know that I will work harder to avoid situations and people that thrive on teasing. Teasing upsets my center - upsets my peace of mind - upsets me - pointe finale.
For years and years and years I was told to never lie -- to always tell the truth ...and to give people the benefit of the doubt. AND to li...
I have been searching and searching for some sort of reason -- some sort of logic -- in all of this......... I feel like it is just ther...