Monday, January 03, 2011
Neat and Tidy
Unlike most of the world - I do not have a blackberry - or an app phone - or an electronic agenda of any sort. (nor do I want one)
I have a date book.... an agenda... a calendar book... a journal.. whatever you want to call it.. I have one. I keep important dates in it - like birthdays or appointments or meetings - I will write notes to myself in it... even shopping lists. I'll scribble phone numbers in it (usually without a name to go with it - which makes for some interesting phone calls)
I love the feel of the paper, love my own scribblings in it.... with different colour pens (as the mood strikes me - or the pen I can find). It isn't very neat or tidy. There's lots of shorthand that only I can read. But it keeps me on track... it helps me remember "stuff" !! I even tuck bills that need to be paid at the bank in it, mail that needs to be mailed, even a cheque or two that needs to be deposited. It is a handy hold all - do all and I love it !!
Lots of people would look at my handy dandy agenda and think "What a mess!!" but it makes perfect sense to me.... It is my guide through the mine field that can be life.
But it is my firm belief that if there isn't some sort of organization to life then things fall apart........ and get stressy ..... and get forgotten... or ignored.
I wrote Warren an email yesterday. Talking about stuff....... mostly stuff...... but in it I mentioned some ideas I had to get us both on the same page - the right mind set when we are going to play. I think ........ no I firmly believe .......... that when we move from vanilla times we need some mental signal for both of us.....that there is a transition happening.
I don't think it has to be anything terribly fancy or ritualistic or crowd gathering either. I think the simple act of my handing him my collar to put around my neck is sufficient for us. I believe right now it is confusing and stressy to arrive at a play party with no outward signal that things are changing. The mind needs some prompts..... a transitional signal.
I need things to be neat and tidy and organized...... even if it doesn't look all that neat and tidy and organized to others.
I know Warren prefers flying blind... letting things happen as they will. Yet Warren has an electronic agenda to help keep his life in order... help keep it neat and tidy and organized. So there is a part of him that craves order and consistency too.
I think we are gonna work on an agenda for play parties. What to do when and how...
Yeah at the beginning it will feel a little funny .. a little strange... a little awkward. But the more we do the same things in the same way....... the easier it will become.. until the day comes when the transition from vanilla couple to Dom and bottom falls into place as neatly and as easily as writing a new date/appointment in our agendas.
And then Warren won't feel as though his "mojo" is off kilter, and I won't feel as though I am topping from the bottom... and we will have found one new comfortable way to do this thing called BDSM - our way !
For years and years and years I was told to never lie -- to always tell the truth ...and to give people the benefit of the doubt. AND to li...
I have been searching and searching for some sort of reason -- some sort of logic -- in all of this......... I feel like it is just ther...