Monday, December 20, 2010
Saturday night's party was the last of the season play party. We arrived around 9 p.m. and left around 12:30 .. and we played pretty much the whole time.
It was a little bit difficult at first... this loss of weight has produced bones where I didn't even know I had bones.. like in my bum!! Warren and I figured out that truthfully there is no way I can take the pounding I used to take. BUT that's ok.. the pain Warren gives me is just right.. more than right... I am enjoying the endorphins as much as ever... and I am even having orgasms from the pain... so .. it doesn't really matter that I can't take the pounding I used to...
Sunday I was curled up on the sofa not doing much of anything except enjoying the after glow of our evening.... when I remembered how - when I was playing with the 2 Sirs - Sunday often found me curled up with a body that hurt - so bad - and a feeling of sadness. These feelings built up until when I left to visit the Heron Clan I realized there was something missing?? wrong??? I realized when I was home again.. that I wasn't a good match for the 2 Sirs.. whatever their agenda was - it wasn't the same as mine. There was a connection missing.
Yesterday I was remembering a conversation I had with a Mistress friend of mine who told me that I would find a peaceful place when I was with the right "master"
And I realized that when Warren was playing with me on Saturday I was calm - peaceful - and feeling I was right where I belonged.
So ... I may not be the community masochist anymore.. I may not be raising any eyebrows anymore.. BUT .. I am a contented happy lil pain slut. Feeling the connection that has been missing since last March.. feeling the love and the caring...
The future is looking bright and happy and full.