Tuesday, November 09, 2010
On a Pedestal
We tend - as humans - to put all sorts of people on pedestals.... heroes, leaders, martyrs, anyone we look up to. It is - I think - human nature.
We do it even more in the BDSM lifestyle. Our "masters, sirs, dominants" are put on pedestals. They are all knowing, all seeing, "gods" (with a small g) They can do no wrong... and when they do..... the cheeky answer is "see rule #1 - the dominant is never wrong"
Unfortunately life does not allow anyone to remain on a pedestal for very long. Soon the pedestal turns to sand and starts to slide away. And the god (with a small g) is standing face to face with us - humble beings.
We are all human - with all the human foibles that goes along with the breed.
When we believe the hype - the small "g" status of masters, dominants, sirs, we are - in my humble opinion - setting everyone up for a big fall. and major disappointment.
That's what happened to me a little over 8 months ago.... my "god" on a pedestal crumbled - in my eyes. And I got angry- which is not logical really - not if you really REALLY think about it. He is not a god with a small "g". He was/ IS but a man.
I realize now some of the things that scared me and disillusioned me back then.. still have some hold over me. I am still jealous when he is with someone else... but now I realize that is who he is....... and I can be with someone else as well... if the mood strikes. I realize that the things that irked me will always irk me because those things are part of who he is.
And I have been asking myself how he .. or any one actually ... could dominant me - as I will eventually see their faults and follies. I am coming to realize that (and this is totally and completely MY opinion) no one person can actually dominant another 24/7 365 days of the year. We all have off days. We all have days when our pedestal crumbles.
I have been watching as one dominant character after another crumbles from the pedestal that we put them on. I am watching as one submissive or another cries "Foul" .... I am watching as one dominant after another says one thing yet does another. And instead of becoming more disillusioned - I am sorting it all out.. so it makes sense in my mind (maybe not in yours - but for me)
It makes much more sense to me now to have the domination thing .. this BDSM thing .. part time. When the stars are aligned and the moon is high and everyone is on the same page.
It isn't a game - nope it isn't. I think it is much more realistic to see domination and submission as a part time thing. Not putting all your faith in one person. Reserving a little faith in yourself.. in your decisions .. in your desires.. in your wants and needs.
Realizing that some times we need to be equals - we need to share the power.. share the caring.. share the responsibilities. This way no one is put on a pedestal only to have it crumble out from under them .. leaving them and others confused and hurt and angry.
I need to now work out the whole collaring thing......... because I don't believe in committing part time... I really do need to work out play friends or lovers or part time friends.
I do want to belong to someone ..... I do!! but it has to be from a more realistic position than kneeling with my head down and my eyes closed.