Wednesday, November 24, 2010

On Being Nervous


There are times in our lives when being nervous is almost like excitement. We are heading off to a play party and we get nervous butterflies marching around in our stomachs......... but truth be told......... it is a good nervous.

We get nervous when we are going to meet someone new or a whole bunch of someones new - hoping we make a good impression - but truth be told it is a good nervousness.

Then there is the type of nervousness I am going through now. I have exactly 7 days till I see the surgeon. Nervous doesn't quite describe what I am feeling.

I am struggling with the thought that this - whatever THIS is - that I have been going through for the last 5 weeks isn't really gall bladder. It isn't like the first gall bladder attack I had. It doesn't sound like any sort of gall bladder attack that anyone else had.

I don't have sharp - feel like you are dying - pains. I have a dull ache - more like a toothache just under my right breast. I do have some nausea - but not much. I get the chills - or the sweats. I can have moments of being light headed - dizzy even (ok ok more dizzy than normal !!!) I do something and am exhausted, and can nap for hours. I am sleeping 8 - 9 hours a night and still needing more. I am cranky and restless and depressed. Most of the time I am weak as a kitten.

I have days where I can honestly forget I have anything wrong with me.. and then days and days where I can't shake the fear that it is more than gall bladder.

So I am nervous - and afraid - of going to see this surgeon. Afraid of going into the hospital - afraid of finding out I don't have gall bladder but something much more scary.

And yet - I can be rational - and in those moments I remember the ultra sound that showed gall stones .... I remember the blood tests that showed severely elevated white blood cell count that indicated infection.

But most of the time....... I am just plain nervous beyond words. I will be so glad when this is all over and then maybe I can rejoin my life..... rejoin the world .. and get on with living.

9 comments:

Sir said...

WE are going to get through this and all will be fine!!

Warren

morningstar said...

yes Sir.. like when I had the lump in the breast scare.. and You said it was nothing.. and it was nothing...

we are gonna get through this and come out the other side fine... that will be my mantra for the next 7 days or so

BlazngScarlet said...

My Dear Morningstar, from reading about all your symptoms, it does indeed sound like Gall Bladder.
I ignored the symptoms you describe and ended up with mine causing me unbelievable pain!
I'm just thankful that you'll be getting it taken care of ... FINALLY!
I will keep you close in thought, and I know that Sir/Warren will take fantastic care of you.

sweetsassyT said...

Morningstar, I ended up on the 23 of Dec a few years ago on a table as they removed my petrified gane green gall bladder. I'm lucky to still be here. I am a single mom. Sure I was tired. The surgeon could not believe I never had any symptoms. There was just this ache in my back and kind of a rubber band feeling right under my breastbone, oh for several years! This is it! Fear not! It's an easy surgery compared to how you feel. It's still going to take several months to feel yourself. You'll have more good and bad days, but ultimately you'll be better. I can't eat red fruit, or a few other odd things, but I'm fine. You will be, too. Fear is never a reason to wait and jeopardize your health. So nice that you have Warren. Be at peace, and blessings to you. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hermione said...

Hi morningstar,

I suffered from gall bladder trouble for 13 years before it was diagnosed. I only had two severe attacks that were frightening because I didn't know what was wrong. Most of the time I merely had discomfort, or actual pain that I always assumed was indigestion. So, GB difficulties manifest themselves in a variety of ways.

I had mine removed the old-fashioned way: an incision along the edge of the ribcage. The post-op pain was excruciating because the severed muscles were in spasm. The scar isn't pretty because an intern sewed me up sloppily.

Nowadays it's a piece of cake. And speaking of cake, I can eat anything I want with no pain at all.

All the best,
Hermione

Sue said...

I'm no medical expert, and you seem to have plenty of those anyway, but I do have Google, and here's the list of gall bladder symptoms that I found...
* Pain or tenderness under the rib cage on the right side
* Pain between shoulder blades
* Stools light or chalky colored
* Indigestion after eating, especially fatty or greasy foods
* Nausea
* Dizziness
* Bloating
* Gas
* Burping or belching
* Feeling of fullness or food not digesting
* Diarrhea (or alternating from soft to watery)
* Constipation
* Headache over eyes, especially right
* Bitter fluid comes up after eating
* Frequent use of laxatives

Doesn't sound too far off from what you describe. And with the other diagnostics you mention, I think you might be driving yourself crazy without much reason. I know this kind of waiting is terribly hard -- an opportunity to worry yourself half to death! Hang in there, and keep Warren close. Soon this will all be over and you will be on your way to being well again.

Hugs, Sue

anna said...

Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. I would gladly accompany you to the hospital or come by with food while you recover.

I'll be sending good vibes your way. I hope the discomfort is minimal while you wait for this problem to be resolved.

Dinora said...

Hang in there!!

Hugs

Dinor3228

Autumn said...

((hugs)) i will be thinking of you in 7 days and sending out good thoughts.

that's a difficult spot to be in. i hope that you are able to find out exactly what is wrong to deal with it as quickly as possible.

xoxo
loves autumn