Tuesday, August 03, 2010
There are days that I wonder what the hell I am doing. At my age I should be happily contentedly rocking in a rocking chair smiling at my grandbabies.
Instead I am trying to make a new life for myself.
This bottoming thing has more hurdles than an Olympic event. On Saturday there was an event I had rsvp`d to. I was looking forward to going... sort of. It was to be my second event alone in 5 months.
For the most part I am a very shy person (especially at events where I am alone).... but like with so much of my life, I have strategies. First I contacted the organisers and asked if they needed "service submissives" ... having a job to do would help me overcome the uncomfortable feelings of being the shy wall flower... then as guests arrived - I diplomatically asked some that I knew really well - if they would be interested in whooping my ass.... no sensual play thank you very much.. just give me pain.
I must be a masochist for god's sakes - the number of rejections one gets when one is looking for a play partner !!! ughhhhhh it hurts
The serving worked well to help me break my ice.,. and feel comfortable.. needed.. and as though I fit in. Then I made myself join in conversations and even a silly lil game with a submissive who was tied to a tree. I laughed and chatted and for the most part felt comfortable within my own skin.
Later in the evening it was decided that to play with me .. it would probably take 3 or 4 tops... (to get even close to the pain levels I like) I will admit my ego was involved - 4 tops !!! wow what a rush. It was fun.. lots of laughter and good natured "poking the doms" .. and then....... are you all sitting down???!!
Yes me.. I actually picked up a paddle and gave a friend some birthday spanks. Now don't anyone think that I am changing my status..... ain't gonna happen... I am submissive/masochist/bottom - whatever damn label applies - to my core.
The evening ended with my being invited back any time to act as a "service sub"
and a date for a girlie day out shopping..
I guess for now the rocking chair will sit in the corner and wait for that old lady to find it (cheeky grin)