Monday, June 14, 2010
I have known since a relatively young age - that I loved pain. I am pretty sure I have regaled you all with cutting stories and how the adults in my life freaked and how I learned to pack those feelings away deep down inside - thinking I would never let them see the light of day again.
Masochists are scary people........... to other people......... except maybe to Sadists.
Saturday evening I had someone turn to me and say "You don't look like a masochist". WTF??!!! Someone want to tell me what a masochist looks like please?? Are we supposed to have horns coming out of our heads, tails hanging out the back?? What the FUCK are we supposed to look like??
All I know is that I don't look like one.
Truthfully I found that announcement more than a little bit insulting. I do not find it necessary to tell folks that I see at parties what they "don't look like" and there are more than a few that "don't like Dominants" that "don't look like slaves" that "don't look like a myriad of other labels we apply" It is none of my business - as far as I am concerned.
And I most definitely did not like the reference to my age .......... what was THAT about?? BDSM is only for young people?? Old ones like myself should be in the kitchen baking cookies???? Here's a newsflash I am not YOUR Aunt Lucy - but I am a mother and a grandmother...... AND a masochist!! Surprise Surprise Surprise !!
The Sirs are always telling me how rare a "true" masochist is. I see that as a bit of a back handed compliment. I am rare .. I choose to play with them.. they are lucky. Follow that logic?? (too bad if you don't maybe I am grabbing at straws) They also have a bet going with me (sort of a bet) that within the next two weeks I will start getting offers from other Sadists to play. (Sadists are as rare as "true" masochists dontcha know) I am not sure that is a compliment. I understand I am free to play with whomever I wish...... but what if I only wish to play with them??!!
And here's a big shocker - what if I decide to play with someone who is NOT a Sadist....... because there are so many other forms of play that maybe I would like to try / enjoy??? like some sensual play...... Just because I am a masochist does not mean I only want pain !! It does mean IF I only got sensual play I would be bored yes..that after a while I would be "jonesing" for pain yes...... but I am more than a masochist. Don't people get that???
I am the sum of the total of my parts. I am many many different things. And I really do wish that I wasn't the only one celebrating the many different sides of me.
Why can't I just be "morningstar" ?