Friday, June 18, 2010
Getting through it
I have four kid days left ....... FOUR......... easy as pie you say???? It should be........
I was saying to S&S last evening - IF - I make it to next Wednesday in one piece....... well relatively in one piece....... I gonna sit down with the biggest glass of Bailey's.
That is IF I don't kill anyone - like the staff member who has decided that pulling uneaten food out of the garbage and forcing the kids to "finish" their lunches is good sound policy...... like the kids who believe that there is no one any longer they have to listen to.......... like the schools who believe I have absolutely nothing to do since my school is closing and send me paperwork that needs to be done yesterday......... yeah IF I don't kill anyone.
Saying goodbye to "my special kiddies" is always the hardest. In the past I knew - they knew - everyone knew - I would be there in September - they would be there in September.. and everything would be ok...... the goodbyes were bitter sweet but we knew we would see each other again in September. This year...... despite the fact I have only been there for 10 months - I have managed to collect quite a menagerie of "my special kids". There isn't a day goes by now that one or another of them doesn't come up and grab me in a tight bear hug and sniffle out the question "why can't you come with me??" I know there will be other "me's" at their new schools who will take them under their wing and keep them safe .......... but somehow that doesn't help me feel any better about these goodbyes.
I have been searching for some plausible coping mechanisms - from chanting "I will get through this" to "I will survive this" to craving / looking for extra pain to release some of the stress..... to stamping my foot, being cranky and impatient and suffering with massive headaches.
But there is no way to "get through this" easily. One day at a time.. one hour at a time.. one more teary kid in my arms at a time...........
June is truly the month I love to hate.
For years and years and years I was told to never lie -- to always tell the truth ...and to give people the benefit of the doubt. AND to li...
I have been searching and searching for some sort of reason -- some sort of logic -- in all of this......... I feel like it is just ther...