Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Scarlet Letter

When i was growing up i read a book entitled the Scarlet Letter. The Scarlet Letter was an "A" which stood for adulteress. Now to be perfectly truthful with you all, i don't much remember what the plot of the story was....... just that there was a woman who was an adulteress and she was forced to wear a scarlet A on her clothing so everyone knew.

There was something about the shame of that letter that stuck with me. i never EVER wanted to be branded with a scarlet letter. That and my upbringing probably went a long way in keeping me honest............


Now i don't know if it is the season .. or something in the water.. or something in the air.......... but there is a whole lot of talk going on (in blogs and lists) about playing outside of your primary relationship. And i am watching with some interest the reactions of both sexes. i have noticed that more men seem to endorse the playing on the side......... and more than a few woman are struggling with the idea.

What some of you don't know......... is that way back when....... i too considered myself the "other woman" in my relationship with Sir. You see...... He was already in a relationship when we met........ and when we first started to play. That relationship was not a D/s relationship........ but more a bondage / girlfriend/boyfriend sort of relationship. i was ........ at the time....... identifying (for lack of a better term and because the whole story is best saved for another day) as a lesbian. So you see.......... when Sir offered to teach me about bondage..... and D/s neither of us.. or i should say - NONE of us - expected anything in the way of a long term relationship developing.

However, as time went on, i looked at it as having the best of both worlds. You see Sir's partner at the time was Domme and from time to time she would dominate me (mostly at play parties and with some trepidation - but still she did dominate me ) i kept thinking how much fun it could be having two Masters (so to speak ) to serve.

But that's not how it turned out. When i realized i was having very serious feelings for Sir......... i didn't keep it to myself. i went to the Domme and told Her. (see that's where the honesty bit comes into play) She and i had many long talks....... and suffice it to say for now.......... i had her blessing to pursue my desire to be collared by Sir.

BUT there were times when i wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the top in over me. Times when i felt so ashamed of my feelings for Sir that i thought i should pack it all in and walk away. But something stopped me. And well.. here we are some 8+ years later........ and i have to say i am very glad i didn't walk away. (though in all honesty - the relationship between Sir and Her didn't end exactly the way i foresaw it ending........... there were hurt feelings - and truthfully that is something i have to live with )

There is something i took away from that period of my life.......... besides the feeling guilty about their break up. And this may sound just a tad twisted........ but i don't trust any submissive/slave who "just" wants to play with my Sir...... nope no way no how!!

i especially don't trust the ones who think - for some reason - that is OK to play without even a "by your leave" to me. And you know what?? i wouldn't want to play with a dominant who was married - or in a committed relationship who had to hide me from the world. THAT spells Scarlet Letter to me.

i am sick to death hearing about the "feelings" and not being able to deny them any longer. i am sick to death of hearing how it is only "play" and not serious. (ok ok sometimes it is just play - every now and then - at a party - i am not talking about that...... i am talking about the "i want to kneel at your feet and kiss your boots and give you my all" type of relationship)

i don't understand how hiding in the shadows is fulfilling to either party. Especially at holiday time - when everyone is with loved ones - except for the Scarlet A - hidden away - waiting for the holidays to be over so they can be together again - stolen moments in a lifetime. i really do struggle with how one rationalizes it all........ to themselves.

i may not be proud of moments in the beginning with Sir....... but i am very proud that i never hid in the shadows, that i was open and honest with everyone - including my family. i never wore the Scarlet A and never will. Life is too precious to spend it waiting in the shadows.

4 comments:

selkie said...

Bravo, morningstar. you said it all.

Richard Windsor said...

Hi there, morningstar,

Following the roaring success of the spanking universe, and after blogger deleted the original, I am happy to announce that the Spanking Universe is back. I purchased a website and you can see the new page here:

http://thespankinguniverse.com/?page_id=6

Your site has already been added and I would like to request that you update your old link to the Universe to the new link, which is:

http://thespankinguniverse.com/?page_id=6

The exact link above will direct everyone to the updates page. Let the HITS begin, we are back, bigger than ever!!

I have a lot of work to do on the format, but the new site is up and running. Let's try and build the community back as big as it was before. Only this time, it won't be deleted.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation in updating your links.

Richard Windsor.

Hisflower said...

i have never hidden the fact- here in blogland (where im safe)- that i am married and Master is married- that we found each other and are lucky enough to share our needs with each other. no, our spouses dont know about this relationship.. i know the majority of people feel this is dishonest- which it may be-neither of our spouses are remotely interested in this type of lifestyle..so, do we push down our wants and desires, and yes, needs, to be the upstanding committed married people we are supposed to be? or do we allow ourselves this joy and this freedom together for whatever time we can? neither of us are leaving our spouses or families...we have each built our lives and intend to keep them that way.
am i hidden away when i go to Master? yes i am... we cant go out in public, we cant celebrate holidays together...we cant even 'friend' each other on facebook if we wanted to....but do i feel like i have a "scarlet letter" on my chest? not in the least..i am proud to belong to Master...i give my all to my spouse and family- this relationship with Master is for me..i dont apologize for it..it may not be a "perfect" relationship,it may not be "right' in most peoples eyes- but its what we have... and we are happy...i am thankful for whatever time i have with Master, and although it wont last 'forever", i rejoice for every moment i have with Him. given my choices, i choose to be in this relationship- i too believe life is precious- too precious to give up what we have... for the record, Master cares about me very much- He makes sure i know that daily, in all kinds of ways...and i am in love with Him, deeply and totally.
i dont question why someone wouldnt understand my kind of situation-on the other hand, i would never
'play" with anyone besides Master- and He has told me He would never share me, even for that- and yes, He does have friends in the lifestyle we could socialize with.
i dont know, im not trying to defend my relationship... its ours and we are happy, plain and simple..
hugs to you, (hopefully they are still welcomed)
Hisflower

littleone said...

Hisflower:

As you know i rarely comment on comments (not because i don't care - but more because of time restraints)

BUT

i had to comment to your post. This isn't the first time you have seemed to take my blog entry personally. OK ok.. perhaps this time it is a little more personal to you....... BUT .. i wasn't even thinking of you when i posted it.

i have been reading/seeing/feeling a whole lot of angst out there over the hiding in the shadows (which is most probably a holiday thing). It all seems so simple to me.. if you don't like hiding in the shadows - if it isn't working for you - then come out of the shadows and hold your head up proudly.

If your relationship is working for you .. then excellent...... you do not have to explain to me or anyone. Obviously you went in with your eyes wide open....... and therefore are dealing very well with the difficulties that come from such a relationship. My post was directed at those that are not dealing with the difficulties.

And even those folks are welcome here on The Journey - i do not ban anyone .. nor do i (despite how it sounds) stand in judgment of folks...i was just saying........ that's what you signed on for........ suck it up (sort of thing)

morningstar (owned by Warren)