Thursday, September 10, 2009

Faith hope and love

There has been some talk around blogville about having faith in one's Dominant - in having trust in one's Dominant and the usual fare actually.

Mostly the discussions that caught my eye were the ones that revolved around the Dom having/playing with/bringing another into the relationship. This has been something that i have dabbled with Sir.. and Sir has done more than dabble. It didn't work for me.. not from the stand point of being the "alpha sub" or mini dom whatever term you want to use.

There are all sorts of reasons this didn't work out for me.. from finding them too young (and Andrew the weekend's play party and my reaction had nothing to do with ages.. mostly everyone's age was right in the ball park of ours) ... or finding them too bossy (better known as topping from the bottom) and being very critical of what and how i did whatever it was i was doing.

For Sir things went a little bit smoother. (Probably cause He IS dom ) He (almost accidentally ) found a woman who wanted spankings... and maybe even some training. Sir began to introduce her into our relationship. Things didn't go as well as one might hope............. and i landed up feeling the "bad" one... the spoiled one .. the sulky one.. the hard to live with one. (It helps a little bit that this woman has... in a discussion with me this past summer...admitted she set me up .. did things that weren't very nice... and Sir got to read these things and i hope see that it was not entirely my fault that this new "relationship" He was hoping for went down the drain)

Anyway all that is to say........ i made a decision and yah i know sub's / slave's really aren't supposed to make decisions. BUT i explained quietly and passionately to Sir that i thought it would be much better if this "other" woman did not set foot in the condo. If she was kept as far away from me as humanly possible.

Some were surprised when i publically said that. They believed i should have faith and trust and love enough that Sir could have this "other" woman around me. May i say with all due respect ............. BULL SHIT.

i am a firm believer in keeping stress and deceit and all things bad and ugly out of my home. My home is my refuge and place of quiet and peace. When contrary people (to be diplomatic) come into this refuge it changes the atmosphere .. it makes the air charged and electric and i can feel it long after they have left. When i first moved here.. the air was clean and pure and i have worked long and hard to keep it that way. Right or wrong - this IS my place of refuge - and Sir understands my desperate need for a refuge from all the outside evil.

So.......... i even withdrew from the occasional evening chats with this "other" woman. i erased her from my life.. and brought peace and harmony back.

Now some have lectured me about not giving over to Sir's needs and desires by doing this. and i say NAY NAY! i believe i have actually given Sir peace and the space He needs to be free to do as He likes.

But i need to add...... it has not always been easy doing this.... separating myself totally from this "other woman" .. My best example is this past summer... there were days when i thought i might surprise Sir with a visit to His house... pop a picnic supper in the car and whip over to see Him.. and feed Him.... but i stopped each time .. because i did not know if 'she' might be there visiting Him.

And there are evenings when i am chatting with Sir.. when He is slow to respond .. and i wonder if the "other woman" is also talking with Him... but i do not ask.. because even to ask.. is bringing her back into my life.

i believe and am here to say...... openly ......... that my lack of interest and desire in having anything to do with this 'other woman' shows faith and hope and love... and especially trust. i do not need to know what Sir is doing ...... i have faith and hope and love and especially trust that i am NUMBER ONE subbie.. and that Sir will always come back here to me.

3 comments:

selkie said...

I think you found what works for you and your Sir is fine with it - so WHERE's the issue?? People are so quick to jump in and make judgments - to give "their" take on what is ultimately a private relationship, only parts of which we are lucky to share.

It seems to me that your Sir is a wise man; and someone who has at heart YOUR best interests. You my dear morningstar, are a very wise woman! You KNOW wht works for you in terms of harmony and balance - and it seems to me you guys have something that WORKS.

but then, I'm not good at sharing in certain things LOL

swan said...

I find this particular manifestation of "one-true-way-ism" very difficult to understand. There is no correct way to structure the open spaces and private spaces within relationships. That has to be worked out between the parties. That you and Sir have found a balance that works for the two of you seems to me to be the essence of mature loving and relating. Partners ought to be able to say to one another, "this is what I need to be well and healthy and whole and happy." Where it is possible, then meeting those needs for one another is about living in truth and good faith.

All the best,
swan

BlazngScarlet said...

As Selkie said, you and Sir have found a balance that works for both of you.
The opinions of others matters naught.

I applaud you for your unwavering faith.
So many could learn a lesson or two.
Myself included.

Your willingness to be open and share your feelings, good and bad, is also something to behold.

You are an amazing woman morningstar, and your Sir knows that.