Wednesday, July 15, 2009

AH HA moment


That picture depicts (in my mind) where i want to be one day......

i have used it many times over the years that i have been writing here on The Journey...... most of the time i thought i was THERE.. but as we all know i am not... and am working on getting there........

Something happened yesterday that was most definitely an "AH HA!" moment
and it has left me feeling more submissive than i have in a long time.........

Sir has a busy few weeks ahead....... with the 78th Fraser Highlanders... and most of the events i won't be attending. But there are a couple that Sir and i thought i would go to....

One is in September - and i honestly don't want to miss it.. i am even excited about it. In a nutshell - it is a trip to Quebec City to celebrate the battle of the Plains of Abraham. Being the history nut that i am.. this trip intrigues me on many levels.

The second is the Highland Games. One of days (it seems to be a 2 day thing in different cities) will be taking place not 10 minutes from the condo...... and i had planned to attend. In my mind i would go with Sir.. i would wander around and do my thing while He did His thing.. and we would meet up and have time together ..and He'd go off again.. kinda like what has been happening at the past events we have been to.

However Sir told me He had been talking to one of the ex-Commanders (a gentleman in his late 80's) and this gentleman was going to see if i could get in on his VIP pass..... which in my mind meant spending the day and evening
(or most of it) in this VIP tent.. with this gentleman. i told Sir i really didn't want anyone to fuss or bother.. And Sir kept saying - diplomatically - 'we will see'

Well i slept on it.. and decided that i would write in my daily journal to Sir what my feelings were concerning this event....... and i rattled on and on and then sent it off.

Sir sent it back to me.. with the words "I want you to reread this email and tell Me what it sounds like"....

i reread it.. and immediately i knew..

i wasn't just telling Sir my feelings.. no siree bob.. i was telling Him what i would do and wouldn't do. BUT honestly i didn't see it when i sent it out...

i sent back an immediate apology ........ but had to add.. that i thought i had the freedom to write anything in my journal.. my place for free speech - so to speak. Sir answered right back... yes it was my place for free speech - BUT He had a suspicion that i would have said those things to His face if He had been here..

That stopped me dead in my tracks... i backed up... and i admitted yeah He was right!! i would have.. no doubt about it.

Now the whole reason this has made me feel more submissive.. more owned.. is simple .. Sir took me to task .. immediately .. over this incident.. He pointed out what i had done wrong.......... He took charge....and my god it felt good...

It also was an AH HA! moment because i could see immediately how i had worded the email.. how it had sounded... i could see the difference between voicing my feelings and telling Sir what i wouldn't do.........for me it was a light bulb moment.

This correction.. this attitude adjustment .. had nothing to do with corporal punishment or punishment of any kind.. and i believe that is important too... though i am not sure i can explain why............ attitude adjustments (for me at least) don't have as much to do with spankings or beatings as it does with making me see the error of my ways... (doesn't make sense to you does it?? shrug.. unfortunately that's the best i can do at explaining it)

Here's hoping that if needed.. there will be more AH HA moments.. where i really truly get IT. Then this road to the picture above won't be quite so long .. or quite so tedious.


4 comments:

Hermione said...

Ooh! Highland games. I love them. The last one I went to was the summer before Ron moved in. I knew it would be the last time I got to see them, because Ron dislikes bagpipes. Dunno why, but I guess you either love them or hate them. Our only bone of contention!

Hugs,
Hermione

selkie said...

I found this fascinating.

How often do each of us say/do/act without thinking, without anticipating or ackwowleding the reality of our actions?

Good on you for noticing and for your Sir for calling you on it.

You two are obviosuly working together on goals desired by both - which of course if the only way it will happen.

This is an excellent reminder to all of us to practice some honesty and at least attempt to look at our words and actions through another's eyes!

thank you for this, truly.

swan said...

As I read this, the picture that I got in my mind was of a child's coloring book. You know, most often, we teach young children to color inside the lines. It is a skill. Then, when they get proficient at coloring inside those lines, we encourage them to move outside the lines -- to move from skill to art. Perhaps that is the work that you and your Sir are about: defining where the lines are so that you can come, in time, to experience the delight of moving beyond the lines in ways that delight you both.

hugs, swan

gabby said...

little one,

i so totally get what you are saying!! Many times My Master will tell me to go back and re-read something i’ve written either in my private blog or something i’ve written while we were chatting. i’ve found that as i become more comfortable with Him that i am letting down my hair as it were and not always in appropriate ways. i also have free reign within my private blog but i know He would call me on it if it were something He knew i would have said directly to Him or if He sees me using my blog to manipulate Him. Like you i desire to be exactly what He needs and to be truly submissive in all things. There are many times when a physical punishment was called for but He knows that i will be much harder on myself when He points out my failing for me to apply my own attitude adjustment to it. Those ah-ha moments are definitely enlightening and while i don’t enjoy the journey the destination is most welcome.

Hugs,

gabby