Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Green eyed monster
i am not entirely sure what got me going the other day......... about being a sex slave.. some blog i read.. or some article.. or some book........ But it has been playing on my mind a bit (ok ok a lot!!)
i have always had a little fantasy about being a sex slave - not to many - but to one. i always day dreamed about how exciting it would be to be used and abused .. constantly.. all the time.. every day.
i used to think that when Sir and i had time alone... without outside influences that it would happen...... i daydreamed about going to BDSM camp cause well if you can't be a sex slave at BDSM camp where can you be one???!! i even brought vibrators and dildos the first time we went. BUT it didn't happen.
As time has passed... that fantasy has dwindled i guess. i think about it less and less.... and the wanting has dwindled.
Until the other day when i read whatever it was that i read about being a sex slave and whooooooosh the feelings were back.
Then to add insult to injury i read a couple of blogs that talked about how much sex they were enjoying/getting......... and god forgive me but i had a little attack of the green eyed monster.
Today i did some major rationalizing........ slapped myself upside the head a couple of times.. and thought about something i had read on kaya's blog. She was talking about being under the desk. Now for those of you who don't read kaya and don't know about "under the desk".. i will explain......... when her Master is horny and reading porn/looking at porn.. He throws her under the desk.. between His legs.. and fucks her while He reads/looks.
i have always thought how wonderful that would be....... to be fucked senseless with no lovey dovey stuff.......... until kaya talked about how boring it can be.... and how she wishes she could take a book with her when she goes "under the desk" .
Whoa........ a book?? and i caught myself thinking... 'damn girl you don't know how lucky you are...... to be used and abused at His will'........... BUT then i realized.. maybe too much of a good thing is indeed boring !! and maybe i would be moaning for a book too........
So i am trying to stuff the green eyed monster back where he belongs.. buried deep inside .. behind all the other crap that doesn't need to be looked at constantly and moaned over...
i am trying................