Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Green eyed monster


i am not entirely sure what got me going the other day......... about being a sex slave.. some blog i read.. or some article.. or some book........ But it has been playing on my mind a bit (ok ok a lot!!)

i have always had a little fantasy about being a sex slave - not to many - but to one. i always day dreamed about how exciting it would be to be used and abused .. constantly.. all the time.. every day.

i used to think that when Sir and i had time alone... without outside influences that it would happen...... i daydreamed about going to BDSM camp cause well if you can't be a sex slave at BDSM camp where can you be one???!! i even brought vibrators and dildos the first time we went. BUT it didn't happen.

As time has passed... that fantasy has dwindled i guess. i think about it less and less.... and the wanting has dwindled.

Until the other day when i read whatever it was that i read about being a sex slave and whooooooosh the feelings were back.

Then to add insult to injury i read a couple of blogs that talked about how much sex they were enjoying/getting......... and god forgive me but i had a little attack of the green eyed monster.

Today i did some major rationalizing........ slapped myself upside the head a couple of times.. and thought about something i had read on kaya's blog. She was talking about being under the desk. Now for those of you who don't read kaya and don't know about "under the desk".. i will explain......... when her Master is horny and reading porn/looking at porn.. He throws her under the desk.. between His legs.. and fucks her while He reads/looks.

i have always thought how wonderful that would be....... to be fucked senseless with no lovey dovey stuff.......... until kaya talked about how boring it can be.... and how she wishes she could take a book with her when she goes "under the desk" .

Whoa........ a book?? and i caught myself thinking... 'damn girl you don't know how lucky you are...... to be used and abused at His will'........... BUT then i realized.. maybe too much of a good thing is indeed boring !! and maybe i would be moaning for a book too........

So i am trying to stuff the green eyed monster back where he belongs.. buried deep inside .. behind all the other crap that doesn't need to be looked at constantly and moaned over...

i am trying................

7 comments:

p said...

so...um... when you find that place and have the monster all stuff and tucked away safe........... could you send me detailed how to instructions? :/

drakor66 said...

Hiding true feelings is unwise it can cause a lust that cannot be satisfied. Being jealous is not a bad feeling it is what we do about it that is important.

swan said...

We all have our own version of that green-eyed monster. It is easy to fall prey to the monster when it seems that everyone else is getting all the good stuff while we just sit on the sidelines and wish it were us... I think it is the nature of being human, and I don't know that the monsters get any easier to deal with when we stuff them into the dark corners. Better we do our own private "pissy dance" and then go on.

I hope your little monster gets easier to live with soon.

hugs, swan

M:e said...

They say the best way to defeat monsters is to bring them into the light and look them in the eye. Doesn't kill them, but it robs them of their power. Whether we do so publicly or privately is a matter of preference and probably not as important as us acknowleding such feelings exist.

love and hugs xxx

selkie said...

I read Kaya's blog on that too and laughed my head off. She is SO honest and realistic! I would feel exaclty as she did - damn, i could be doing so much taht needs doing instead of sitting here!

All of us have our own demons that ride and whisper in our ears .. all we can do is what you do so wonderfully- look them in the face and see their deception!

Anonymous said...

*grins*

You know. I've been playing around with the idea of Slave Swap. Like Wife Swap only not wives.

Whatcha think? We could trade houses for a week or two. ;-)

kaya

Anonymous said...

You have to balance out what your mind says and your heart wants. Good luck girl.


Pat