Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Burst the bubble
i received an email yesterday - from a sub - who had read something on fet life they wanted to share with me. So far so good... and as emails from friends is about the only way i read fet life anymore.. it wasn't a bad thing.
the line he sent me went something like this: "a submissive was forced to walk naked for two blocks to the store to pick up some cigarettes."
i read that line and thought to myself .. fantasy fantasy fantasy !! In this day and age no one could walk NAKED for two blocks without being picked up by a cop.. or enter a store naked?? and not have the salesgirl run screaming from the shop???
Anyway all of that is not really the point of this blog... i have been thinking recently how less stressed i am... less pouty i am... less whiny i am... now that i do not equate a good session with hanging from the chains in the basement or being strung up on the cross.
i have come to realize that i have grown out of the need for S/M (stand and model) but our translation of it. It all seemed so important that our life be all around humiliating me.. using me.. hanging me from the chains.. having me naked..
i wanted to model our life after some movie .. some book.... some bit of fantasy..some idealistic version of BDSM. (and i think Sir does/did too... especially when He lands up feeling so often that He is not domming me enough..... enough by whose standards?? some fantasy standard ??!! pffffft on that !!)
BUT it doesn't work that way. And once you come to the realization that BDSM is not about toys and equipment and way out there ideas of service and humiliation then you can get on with real life.
It was a bit like bursting my bubble when i realized it. And it has taken me more than a few weeks to reconcile myself to the fact that there is no fantasy BDSM land. There is no place that slaves are sold (for real) on auction. No limit slaves do not exist. 24/7 does not exist. And in the few cases were folks claim they are living it........... then they are living in a fantasy world. (and yeah i know i am probably stepping out on a very wobbly limb here saying that)
BUT Cloud and Sir and i had this discussion last Friday - at our coffee klutch - about how it is so much easier to live BDSM when one is surrounded by BDSM folk: ie. at a BDSM camp for a few days - or at a club for a few hours. Where the world is shut away and the energies flow.. and everyone feeds off this energy.
But .. back home .. safe and sound within your own four walls... the energy dwindles down to what works for you ........... and sometimes that it is a quick spanking before bed... or a quick wham bam thank you ma'am fucking over a kitchen counter.
In my opinion it doesn't matter how many toys you have.. how big your dungeon is.. or how well equipped it is.. What should matter is how well you incorporate the BDSM lifestyle into the here and now !!
And so i have been thinking....... why is it we have a well equipped dungeon in the basement.. with a St Andrew's cross.. a spanking bench.. a kneeling bench.. a pony and chains from the ceiling.. with Sir's spanking toys taking up more than one full wall now - when we haven't been down there to play in months !!! Our play takes place where ever it suits Sir... which is mostly in the living room. Even when we hold parties - no one goes downstairs to the "play room" .. they play in the living room... (when and IF they even bother to play)...... so why oh why do we have a dedicated room to BDSM??? Doesn't that mean that BDSM can't come upstairs???
i am thinking.......... it is time to convert that room in the basement to something a whole lot more functional.... and perhaps put the BDSM into a cupboard ... easily accessible - like Sir's subbie - always there.. always accessible - just not in your face !! Isn't it time to face a new challenge of really incorporating BDSM into a way of life .. with a liberal mix of vanilla???
Isn't it time to live in the real world and leave the fantasy behind??
Isn't that more the reality of BDSM?? Isn't that more the reality of 24/7 BDSM??