Before i go very far with this blog...... i want to add an extra advisory .. that this blog.. this entry to this blog is for ADULTS ONLY !!!
ok.. now that all the children have left the room.........
It is amazing what one does when boredom hits. Last Sunday - when i was feeling crappy and Sir was off on a "play date"...... i flipped on the television and started flipping channels. i stumbled across a show .. entitled 1000 Ways to Die.
Have any of you watched this show??? oh my god.. i sat there watching and thinking to myself - this is like watching a train wreck. Not believing half the stuff i saw.. despite the fact they had doctors and other specialists documenting the whys and hows of each individual accident.. i still didn't believe it. i went to "Urban Legends" and couldn't find one nibble on the acts i saw re-enacted. Therefore i have to assume these documentations of death by stupidity have to be real.
BUT there was one that really made me sit up and pay attention. There was a story of a woman who masturbated regularly - a nympho i believed they called her. (rolling eyes) ..
Turns out the woman went grocery shopping and picked up some big carrots....
Now we all know that carrots are the right shape..often the right size.. and more often than not in the fridge. Carrots are a favourite topic between Cloud and Sir....... carrots as dildos - not how to cook them.
Anyway - getting back to the TV show.. turns out this woman used a nice big carrot to masturbate with............. and managed to kill herself doing it !! i couldn't believe it.. turns out .. according to their medical expert .......... the carrot had not been cleaned.. nor had a condom been put on it.. turns out there was a sharp ridge.... and the sharp ridge cut the interior of her vagina........ she was pumping that old carrot in and out.. quite vigorously.. and in the process - pumped into her blood stream an air bubble... that traveled to her heart and killed her.
So be warned you vegetable lovers out there........ clean your carrots.. put condoms on them... protect yourself.. it would seem one needs to practice safe sex with carrots too !!!