Monday, November 03, 2008

Pavlov's sub



Remember back in September when i had that mystery bug.... and i was busy musing how i stopped before entering the living room.. because i was so well trained..and even though Sir wasn't there .. i still paused before entering the room??

i was thinking today how many other things i do without thinking.. because i have been trained to do them... or how many things i react to because i have been trained to react to them in that way........... and i thought i am like Pavlov's dogs.. ring a bell and i salivate.

Last week i was floating around on this massive high from our weekend away....... and even though i kept warning myself that it could not be duplicated.. not even repeated here at home.. i still had this inner need........ desire........ craving to go back to that 24 hours of beating and sex and beating and more sex.

Well the weekend arrived.. and i kept trying to stamp down the needs.. the wants.. the desires.. i didn't do such a good job at it either........ until Saturday when Sir said "downstairs".

Now i have to explain to those who don't know.. or don't remember........... Sir seldom takes me downstairs anymore.. it is chilly and damp (ok ok i know.. just the right temperature for a dungeon................ BUT not the right temperature for a naked subbie.. sorry no way no how!!) Downstairs means hard play - at least to this Pavlov's subbie it does.......... we don't go downstairs unless Sir wants/plans to use the hardest of hard toys......and a command of "downstairs" starts the adrenaline flowing before i hit the first step..........

This Saturday we even had the chilly and damp covered.. we had bought a brand spanking new heater that would keep me toasty warm................

So downstairs we went....

and i started the flight to nowhere land............

And Sir put the new heater on........ and strapped on the suspension cuffs.. and hung me from the cross..

And Sir started in with a crop.............. and then i think the teflon paddle....... and then He pushed His hand between my legs and fucked me.. despite my objections (it feels so good to say "no no no" and know Sir won't .. and Sir will prove i am a lil cum slut) and i got cheeky and pulled first one wrist out of the cuffs.. to scratch my nose.. and then the other.........

And it was over..........

just like that it was over.. and i was told to come upstairs........

my "elevator" as i tried to explain to Sir went from the top floor to the basement in a matter of seconds... the bottom fell out...... and i was spiralling down........... and everything just crashed...........

and i was sure.... no i was POSITIVE......... i had done something wrong..............

and i cried.. and felt sick to my stomach........

Sir made me talk.. made me try to explain what was going on with me..
Then Sir explained that He planned to give me a session on Sunday .. morning......... and had only wanted to tease me.. to fuck me and leave me wanting more till Sunday.............

i held on to that........ Sunday..................

And Sunday came and went...........

And i am stting on the bottom.. wondering if i will ever get up again...............

and if you have no idea what sub drop is like.. don't even try to understand this post.......

But .. if Sir says to me next time.. "downstairs" Pavlov's subbie will start salivating again.. the elevator will start climbing again.......... and i won't remember this world collapsing crash............ because i am trained to respond ............... and whether i like it or not.. i respond.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

That was a really great post, i feel that way myself right now. i am so glad you wrote this i found it very uplifting. i'm visiting the rock bottom myself but your post has me looking upwards already. :)

littleone said...

anonymous..... thank you for your comment... i know i am not the only one.. and it feels good to have that fact validated...

morningstar

swan said...

I wondered... when I read your last post if this was not the case. I do know that you have talked before about "sub-drop." Perhaps you need to paint a sign and hang it on the wall in the dungeon: "Warning -- 3-4 days after good stuff watch out for a crash!"

I hope you get to feel that elevator headed for the roof again soon.

Hugs, swan

littleone said...

swan..

i guess i didn't explain it very well..

usually IF i am gonna drop.. it comes after a good hard play session..

This came from my mind playing games.. me thinking i was going to get pain.. triggered by going downstairs.. and the adrenalin started pumping.. and then .. no pain.. no need for the adrenalin.. and crash bang... down i went...


morningstar (owned by Warren)

Steve said...

I learn something new ever time I come here and that my dear is a good thing!

swan said...

Morningstar -- I guess I didn't explain well either. I suspect your "drop" wasn't related to this weekend, but the Last. Perhaps the intensity of that experience carried you along for awhile, but I bet the drop was inevitable, and this weekend had you right in the middle of it.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the same thing as swan. That your drop was more related to last weekend. You were flying so high, and the higher the flight, the longer and deeper the drop. Coupled with your mind and body's expectation of a repeat session that didn't happen - it's no wonder you crashed and burned.

Go easy on yourself. And Sir? You too. Even the best dom can't control the hormones and chemicals and how they fluctuate. It's not an indication of a "wrong-doing", at least I don't think so.

And I am always right. Just ask me. I'll tell you. ;-)

kaya