Monday, July 21, 2008

A Session

i know that i talk a lot - especially on Mondays - about the weekend sessions.... i don't get a lot of feed back - but according to my counter - i do get a lot of hits on Mondays ............ This Monday isn't going to be much different........ talk about a session..........

What is different though is how i processed this session............

After the pins and needles session Saturday afternoon... on Saturday evening...... Sir gave me a flogging session.... ( i never really know what to call them as He doesn't always use floggers - but you get the idea)....

i was ordered over the ottoman and Sir started with the crop....... my mindset was just weird........ i was so quiet inside.. so quiet it was like i was dead...

Sir started off slowly - really nicely........ and sped up pretty damn quickly...... i was holding my head in my hands and had all these really weird / strange / wonderful / sick ideas running through my addled brain.........

First off ..... i realized that Sir wasn't hurting me.. not even a little bit.. didn't matter how hard He was hitting.. or what He was using to hit.. it just wasn't registering as pain........ i had been .. stressed and upset .. during the week.. and it was like all those negative feelings had piled up in my gut and were hurting me more than Sir was........ in some weird / strange / sick way.. i wanted Sir to hurt me more than i was hurting inside........

Then i realized i wanted Sir to bruise me.. i wanted it more than anything on earth..... and i have been harbouring this secret belief that if i didn't move.. if i didn't make a sound to alter Sir's perception of how the session was going that He would hit harder and longer and some how or other i would be bruised...... even through a brutal paddling with the big wooden paddle i didn't utter a sound.. i did collapse a couple of times from the sheer force of the hit...... but i went right back into position and let Sir go on with it............

And then .. i realized that if Sir kept hitting me harder and harder and longer and longer that it meant He truly loved me (now i have to say this right now...... i KNOW Sir loves me.. just sometimes i need physical proof of the depth of His love - can He hurt me enough to show me He loves me - sort of thing and yeah yeah i know that probably sounds REALLY sick to some of you......... but others who have claimed love couldn't give me the pain my body and mind craves once they had declared their love)



At the end of it.. i wasn't flying.. i was a bit dizzy... and a bit weepy..... my ass hurt more than words can describe........ i went really deep inside of myself..and couldn't / wouldn't talk about anything....... i finally gave up trying to be good company and went off to bed......

Sunday morning i almost couldn't wait to check my ass out in the mirror.. could i possibly be bruised?????? my ass was still hurting something awful....... way more than i ever thought possible...........

i looked..

i checked right and left

and there wasn't one mark.

and i cried.

Actually i did a lot of crying on Sunday...... and Sir was there to hold me and rock me and whisper all the right words in my ear............

i do
though have a sore muscle .. a really sore muscle... that runs from mid ass check almost straight down to the sweet spot under the ass cheek.. no mark .. but damn does that muscle hurt !!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small announcement.......

i know some of you have read with interest my dabbling in domming on the Yes Miss blog. On Sunday afternoon baby boy came over for a visit - and after a long chat i released him. i am not a domme.. not even a little bit of one........ deep inside. Oh i can do all the right things... i can spank and i can crop and i can do CBT.. and i discovered i can even humiliate.. but it never really felt right .. inside.. where it counts.

So the Yes Miss Blog has gone the way of the dodo bird and the dinosaurs and all other extinct beings.

There will only be one Dominant in this house from now on ....... and that is Sir.


3 comments:

Buffalo said...

The more I read, the less I understand. Which isn't your fault.

SPANKEDHORTIC said...

I have noticed before (IMHO) that one of the main differences between subs and bottoms is that while as a bottom I get no kick out of topping but I have no problem topping, where as I hear again and again from subs that they have a real problem with topping or domming.

Prefectdt

CLoud said...

It is always good to know what we can do but it is best when we find out who we are