i have always been a one man woman..... or specifically in my case a one Dominant woman..... and i think some of that is because i am a bit weird.. well i heard a better term for it the other day.. i am reclusive.. yup.. that's me reclusive.. i want my world orderly and changeless.. and safe.
Problem is the world won't let me be this reclusive woman (well not just yet) .. i do have to work.. i do have to shop.. i do have to interact with the BDSM community around me.. and i do have to learn to deal with changes........ for now.
When one is a one man woman.. you always know where you stand.. what your place is... what is expected of you.. and there is little to threaten the security of that world.. or to rock it........
Things have changed in my little world...... Sir has found a new submissive to train.... to play with...... to add to our family....... and yeah it has rocked my world.. which i agree won't make a lot of sense to you.... my readers.. seeing as we have been looking to add another.
BUT now things have changed.. big time.. Sir is busy with His life and with this new subbie.. and despite everything i am left feeling a little bit outside my comfort zone.
It feels to me.. and Sir will probably disagree with me.. that i am left doing all the serving side of this D/s relationship...... with little or no reward for the work..... i honestly can't remember the last time i had a good long session .. complete with whips and floggers and crops and chains.. body hanging limp from the ceiling..... but i can tell you exactly when the new subbie had a session........ do i sound jealous??? i don't mean to.. i honestly don't... i am just confused.. and a wee bit lost..
Where is my place now?? WHAT is my place now?? how do i find my way through this maze and come out the other side relatively unscathed???
and the big questions that haunt me in the dead of the night when i should be sleeping..... why am i not enough for Sir now?? am i too old?? too predictable?? not enough of a challenge??
and so it would seem i am starting off on a new journey...... scared as all get out....