Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Cranky

i am pretty sure my uneasiness today.. my crankiness.. is a coming out of the sub drop.. of feeling left alone .. of feeling needy ..... BUT god i feel cranky.......

i have bubble bathed myself into a wrinkled prune..
i have eaten favourite foods and pampered myself..
i have manicured my nails till they are sparkling
i have planned and re planned the wedding tea this coming weekend..




and still i feel antsy in my own skin.......

THIS is the problem of not living 24/7 ..... because i am ready for Sir to take over.. to take command.. to make this problem go away... to shorten the leash and remind me who is in charge.... i am ready for Him to make 'miss cranky pants' disappear......

and then because we don't live 24/7 together ........ i look ahead and wonder in the busy weekend that is coming where in god's name Sir will be able to fit in this shortening the leash.. beating me black and blue and reminding me who is actually in charge !!! There is no time!! (hear me wail?? )

i can not center myself.. i can not focus myself.. i am as cranky and irritable as a little child who didn't get his nap........ (ohhhhhh if only it were that easy) ........ why can't i be the graceful accepting submissive?? why can't i be a grown up and accept life.. why do i feel the terrible urge to shake something... throw something.. yell and scream??

ughhhhhhh i hate sub drop...... i hate being needy and wanting and achy........ i hate being this endorphin junkie............




3 comments:

Whitesnake said...

If I said ya had beautiful body would ya hold it against me?

If i told ya I don't understand what ya going through but I will be here when needed would you understand.

do ya want icecream?

anything ya like but......
not vanilla!..........

Buffalo said...

Sigh.

Blazngfyre said...

A cheeky 'lil crankypants?!

I think someone needs a good spanking! ;)