Monday, January 14, 2008

Ugly...

Once upon a time...... Sir got it in his head that i would have a leather mask.. a full hooded mask. We went to one of our favourite shops Il Bolero - probably my favourite shop because it carries quality products and the owners are more than willing to make sure you get exactly what it is you are looking for.... as in the hood.

We landed up trying on a number of masks/hoods.... and none of them fit.. they were all too big.... so Johnny - the owner - announced he would have the hood cut down and made smaller for me (TA DA !! no one can accuse me of having a 'big head'!!)

The hood came home..... and when Sir put it on me the first time at home .. He said "it looks ugly". Now i knew (i think i knew) Sir meant the mask... but immediately i hated the mask.. it was ugly !!! Ergo i was ugly. It was that simple actually.

Now i have only worn the hood a few times.. i am sure i could count the number of times on one hand. The hood does funny things to my mind. First of all i am dealing with the echoing voice in my head "ugly ugly ugly". Then it cuts out all peripheral vision....... i can't breath through my nose.. and so i tend to hold my mouth a little open all the time i am wearing it.. and my jaw gets very sore and very tired. It also tends to make me pull into myself... which is not exactly a bad thing.. unless you are hearing voices saying ugly...

Anyway...... the hood usually sits in the night stand beside the bed on a wig form.
Usually .. because yesterday Sir sent me an email....... it was a task. (Don't let it be said that Sir ignores His littleone - even when the vanilla world is tugging him this way and that!!) i was to put the hood on immediately and leave it on for 2 hours. i was to text message Him when i took it off.

i was - get this one - excited !!! i almost skipped to get the mask. It had been so long since i wore it - i had almost forgotten the "side effects". i pulled the mask out and discovered my first dilemma - it laces up in the back. Ok ok.. no one ever said i wasn't good at problem solving.. so i laced up the hood.. leaving it loose and tried to slide it on. Too tight. Loosened the laces more.. and tried again. This time i managed to slide it on.. and wiggle it around till the eye holes were where they were supposed to be.. reached around the back to tie it .. and realized i would have to tighten it ...... a lot ! In trying to tighten it.. i managed to unlace it about 4 holes...... so here i was standing in front of the mirror - blind as a bat cause i can't wear my glasses when i am wearing the hood - trying for all i am worth to get the hood tightened and re-laced. Finally i had it tight.. though somehow or other i missed one hole... but at that point i didn't care.. it was on.. it was tight.. and my two hours were about to begin.

Now i was doing laundry.. and going up and down the stairs.. trying to see the laundry.. trying to measure out the soap.. and rinse agent.. well let's just say it was a lesson in moving slow and methodically.

i realized there wasn't much i could do.. especially without glasses so i sat down to watch TV.... the figures were all blurry so i closed my eyes and just listened to the dialogue. Then i started with my "what if" monster....... What if the door bell rang?? What if the phone went ?? (talking with the hood on is not all that easy either.. ) i looked at the clock ....... only 30 minutes had passed since i tied it on. i had 90 minutes to go....... and i was starting to feel real claustrophobic !! My jaw was aching.. i closed my mouth. Now i can breath through my nose.. i can !! But it doesn't feel like it.... and if i breath through my nose i smell the leather.. and folks.. here's a news flash......i absolutely totally HATE the smell of leather....... so i went back to mouth breathing.

Somewhere during the 2 hours .. i decided to take a picture of myself in the hood... i thought clever girl.. you can show Sir you did the task (when i am set tasks - i don't HAVE to take pictures - but most times do) So i sat on the stairs ...... held the camera out at arm's length.. and snapped a shot. i then - being the brilliant subbie i am - tried to see the preview ........... i never realized how small the preview window was.. or how blind i am!!! So for good measure i snapped 3 or 4 pictures and hoped for the best.

When the two hours was up.. i put the hood back on the wig form.. back in the night table.. and happily put my glasses back on... came to the pc and downloaded the pics off the camera.

OH MY GOD !! i had completely and totally forgotten how ugly that damn hood is!! until i saw the pictures that is.

Anyway....... because i know Sir will insist i post the picture...... here is the picture of me in the hood..... on Sunday.. blind as a bat!!



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editorial note: last night when Sir saw this picture..... He asked if i was now going into wrestling !!! ughhhhh someone ought to remind Him this was HIS idea !!

3 comments:

Buffalo said...

You derailed my big head comment.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's ugly at all. You look mahvelous, dahling. Simply mahvelous.

kaya

Anonymous said...

you have gorgeous eyes! and a lovely mouth - NOT ugly at all - though I'm not nuts about the hood - definitely could NOT go through - I am VERY claustrophotic and just thihnking about it, breaks me out in a cold sweat.

Also thinking it must be HOT as hell under there ...

selkie