Friday, December 07, 2007

Attack of the Grinch

Yikes !!! i am having an attack of the Grinch........ something that almost never happens around here.... i am Christmas personified.. i love Christmas.. i love all the Christmas stories.. all the Christmas music.. all the Christmas decorating and shopping.. and tinsel and noise .......... i even love snowy Christmases.. and digging out the cars and the house from mounds of snow..... because it is all about Christmas..... about the joy and happiness and glad tidings.. ok ok enough!! You get the picture.......

But this year....... this year is different... i have tried to decorate.. and i nudge my feeling spot deep inside of me .. and there is barely a twinge.. There are two very separate groups of folks (BDSM folk and my staff at work) waiting for the annual Christmas invite to the condo .. for good food and laughter and i haven't even looked at a calendar. There are individuals we always invite and i haven't even found the pencil to use to pencil them in........

The family is all working on one day or another over the holidays and i can't get them all organised to make an appearance on the same day......and it makes me sad....... this year i want my family around me.. i want the kids crawling over everything .. i want the laughter and memories that only a family can create...

On Nov 28th i had my biopsy........ i have to make an appointment to get the results... do i make the appointment before Christmas or after??? How do i decide?? do i toss a coin heads up i go before.. tails up i wait?? The waiting is driving me nuts....... but the knowing ?? can i handle the knowing??

And so i plod along .. going to work .. watching the excitement build with the children as we head into Christmas concerts, and Christmas parties, and the snow falls...... and my heart is shrinking instead of growing.... i am turning into a Grinch!!

4 comments:

Sir said...

There can only be one Grinch in this household, so I am going make your life easy, make the appointment for after Christmas.

Sir Grinch,
Owner of morningstar

kaya said...

I'm having the same issue. I'm just not feeling Christmas at all this year. I don't even have any lights outside. I did put up the tree but half the time I don't turn it on. *sigh* Maybe it's just a "grinchy" Christmas this year?

drakor66 said...

Christmas strts at home I also was having a Christmas block though I will be glad to finish this year and start fresh again. What I did I wrapped a present for me. I put it down beside teh elf tree as the real one is not up yet and then I waited till morn and I opened it. I tore through the packaging with great zeal and then to my surprise I found a chocolate bar and I ate it all. Sugars were high but it is Christmas and now I have that elfey girn. The bells are on and Christmas is only a few sleeps away . God I like the effects chocolate can have makes the world right.

swan said...

Perhaps it is not the Grinch that you are personifying, but rather the small, scared, fragile, vulnerable self that lives in each of us. How appropriate that the feelings you are harboring as you wait for those results would be part of your emotions this season. Can you allow yourself to be more gentle this season -- to perhaps do less, and only those things that truly reflect what you FEEL as appropriately celebrative for you and yours? Perhaps if you decide, this year, to observe the season in ways that protect and nurture that small, vulnerable, littleone... the warm and joyful feelings will manifest for you.

swan