Saturday, October 06, 2007

Bad bad subbie

Have you ever stopped a session because you just felt in your bones it was being done for you.. that your Dominant's heart just wasn't in it???

i did..........

last night..........



The endorphin junkie started to rear it's ugly selfish head this week...... need for pain.. need for orgasms.. need need need.. and all mine...... not one bit Sir's need.........

So last night Sir told me to get the needles..........
i ignored Him the first two times He asked........
Then He put His foot down and had me bring Him the needles..

He had me kneeling by His side and leaning forward so He could insert needles... The first one got dropped .. or fell out of it's sterile container.. Sir had trouble getting it back in... my heart fell....... it wasn't the right time........ and so i acted up .. answered back.. and i was told to clear up the needles and go back to my chair. My heart hurt.. deeply....... for being a brat.. for needing...... for all the things i did wrong ..........

Sir said 'here' that i was a good nurse.. sang my praises.. i am not a good nurse .. i hate to see anyone sick.. suffering.. hurting.. but i also get impatient.. not with Sir god no!! but with the system that screwed up.. that damaged my Sir and has made His recovery long and hard and messy.........

i hurt........ and it isn't a good hurt...... i was bad and that makes for a whole mess of hurt inside.

2 comments:

Buffalo said...

I'm truly sorry that you hurt.

SeaRabbit said...

Humm... yes, it is not a good feeling ...
I am so needy myself actually that I could jump by the window if it wasn't for my kids... but, he isn't at it for that... Not needed I feel... not wanted, I feel... and I hate it... It is killing me... so I know how it is...

Wish thing will be back in order for you soon... ;-(