Wednesday, April 04, 2007

poker face

If i ever believed that i have a poker face - time and experience has taught me otherwise. i have been accused of clearly telegraphing my emotions and thoughts. In fact a few years ago a member of my staff filed a grievance against me.. mainly because i "rolled my eyes" at her. (Of course the whole thing was thrown out BUT i was advised to try and keep my emotions / feelings concealed).

My children have always complained about "my faces".
My Sir complains (and punishes me) for "my faces"
Friends have complained i "roll my eyes" - which is just another way of saying "my faces".

This is obviously becoming a big problem for me. The interesting thing for me - though - is when i work really really hard at controlling "my faces" i am then asked repeatedly by everyone what is wrong??!! It is the same when i bite my tongue and work very hard at not being cheeky - everyone thinks i am angry or sick or upset....... go figure !!

What i think is wrong....... though i may be totally wrong here.. is that everyone places wayyyyy too much value on what i think/feel or how i look. Some people need to be a whole lot more comfortable with who they ARE... and not worry so much about what i think.. if indeed i am thinking about them. (did you follow THAT bouncing ball??) Just because i am sitting opposite you in a room full of people does not mean that i don't hear other comments and perhaps.. just maybe?? my rolling eyes are in reference to something other than what You have said??? or maybe i am bored and thinking about something that happened yesterday or the day before that.. and my face shows my reaction to THAT.. ok ok i know that is rude and if i am with company i should be hanging on their every word........ but hey..sometimes my mind wanders........ and shit happens !!!

Anyway...... i am feeling very much caught between a rock and a hard place.. i think perhaps i need to change my attitude to one of simpering devotion to every one and every thing that is said.. smile politely and nod a lot......

And if there is any doubt .. right about now.. about what i am truly feeling.......


3 comments:

Buffalo said...

What a handicap. The only differences between between my sad, glad, mad faces are a slight change in my eyes. I've been working on glad.

SeaRabbit said...

I relate to that quite easily... My emotions, stes of mind, thoughts, are showing quite clear in my face and it is an issue... It is a hard one to live with...

Blair said...

Great blog! Think i'll be spending some time looking throught the rest of it :)

Blair

www.collaredncuffed.com