Tuesday, February 13, 2007

WIIWD

Sometimes .. honestly.. i just feel like stamping my foot.. screaming out loud... throwing something.... i wonder (sometimes out loud) how many different ways there are to explain What It Is We Do.

i remember being taught - a long long time ago - that ignorance breeds contempt. maybe even fear??? (actually stupidity came to mind as well)........ i have answered here many different questions that have been posed to me in the comment section or in private emails. No matter how many words i write.. no matter how normal and mundane this blog can be.. there are people who still believe that there is something pornographic, dark and maybe even evil about BDSM.

Recently i have heard .. more times than i can count... that what we do should be kept behind closed doors. SEX?? are we talking about sex?? cause i kinda think that a goodly number of people believe that sex should be spoken about in whispers.. and done in the dark behind closed doors.

Ok people .. listen up.. (no no.. not kaya or swan or searabbit or the many BDSM readers - i am talking about all the lurking hiding vanilla readers - yes VANILLA!! god i almost hate that word now!)

BDSM is a way of life. LIFE as in daily activites. more than sex. much more than sex. It is a graceful serving .. a gentle step.. a responsive conversation. It is symbolism. It is bowing to the stronger one.. (and NO that does not always mean MALE - it means stronger person) and it is bowing not breaking. It is life lived from a simpler time.

In reading back in my blog entries i found a request for me to lay out my weekly life.. a typical week and weekend. i honestly don't remember if i did that - but let me try now to lay out my life for you ..put it under a microscope.. take a good long hard look............

Monday to Friday
i get up at 5:30 am.. i make coffee .. i feed the cats..i take my pills with a glass of juice.. i bring my coffee upstairs.. i turn on the computer and i write a journal of my past day's events - expectations - disappointments and successes and i send it off to Sir .. no later than 6:30 am.... by 7:30 at the very latest i am out the door to school where i put in 7 - 10 hours of work.. then home by 5:00. The first thing i do when i get home is text message Sir and tell Him i am home safe and sound. Then exercise time.. then dinner time and time to feed the cats.. then some down time.. and by 8:00 each evening i am on messenger talking to Sir.. reviewing our day...by 9 sharp i am in the bath and then into bed...

Weekends are different because Sir is here ! (well most weekends) i usually greet Him at the door (should i get home before He arrives) kneeling. We generally have a quiet friday evening dinner - usually something easy ... sometimes pizza .. sometimes we go out and grab a hamburger... Sometimes Sir will "play" with me .. sometimes not. AND play does not mean SEX... it means floggers and whips and needles and canes and crops, and that is because i am a masochist. And masochists are wired a bit differently from the average joe we LOVE pain.. we crave pain.. we need pain. We do not always have orgasms from pain.. but we do most certainly enjoy endorphin highs - and trust me folks that can be even better than an orgasm.. (ok ok sometimes better than an orgasm!!)

Saturdays are spent doing laundry - His and mine - and maybe running messages if there are any.. some weekends we entertain - just like normal folk... i make the meals and serve them to Sir .. in the dining room. Breakfast is always served with the newspaper beside His place .. open and ready for Him to read. We try to fit a play session in on Saturday ... cause Sunday is quiet time.. recharge the battery time.

i do not purchase clothing without Sir's approval - actually i don't purchase anything without talking to Him first. i often times will ask if there is something He would like me to wear - if we are going out. i am responsible to keep myself healthy wealthy and wise.. (ok ok now i am being just plain silly!!) BUT i am responsible to keep my life an open book for Sir.. He checks on my health issues regularily - as i check on His. There are small differences in things we do .. in public .. that some may notice others may not. Most of the time Sir enters a building before me... often times i will hold the door for Him... i will never sit until Sir sits.. and indicates where He wants me to sit.. at home the choices are at His feet or in a chair... in a restaurant for example He will point discretely to the chair He wishes me in.. be it beside Him or opposite Him. Often times He will ask me what i am going to order.. and give His discrete approval. i don't think He has ever denied me what i wish to eat (probably cause i am a picky eater)

Have you noticed not once have i mentioned sex??? geeeeeeee.. a whole week or two can go by without there being any sex. Imagine that!!! When we do have sex.. it is spontaneous and glorious and earth shaking. I twitch from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. BUT that is because the Man is such a good lover !!! (i am lucky that way!!) AND yes sometimes the sex does happen while i am strung up on the cross or hanging from the chains.......... and yes that bit should be kept out of view of those nervous nellies who don't want to know about it....... BUT the rest of it?? it is just life folks.. plain old fashioned living.... just like you do.. cooking cleaning shopping doctor's appointments and health issues .. mixed up with a whole heap of love .. just to keep us sane.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. This is why I love blogs. It is so facinating to get a glimpse in to another life. Thank you for opening yourself like this.

I "get" the endorphin rush. Personally, I have a low threshold for pain, and I don't really like being hurt. I have had friends who are different explain the pain/pleasure connection...

But. I have a harder time with the slave thing...how does that benefit you to give all your power over to another? I understand it in the guise of a game, but as a life, which is what you describe...why?

I don't mean to be disrespectful in any way...I really am just asking. Please don't feel you need to answer if you don't care to.

Buffalo said...

The first time I read about someone being caged I had an extreme adverse reaction. After I thought it through I realized my reaction was caused by my fear of confinement and my clausophobia (sp). While it is highly unlikely that I would ever allow myself to be voluntarily confined, what would I care what someone else did consensually?

Anonymous said...

Yup yup yup...

caitlin

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing

His-slut said...

You feed your cats and order pizza on a Friday night??

Man.. that's weird. You shouldn't oughta be telling people that stuff. Keep those fetishes on the down-low, would ya?

;-)

kaya

SeaRabbit said...

I can understand that some are relating to BDSM as a sexual activity only... because sometimes, it is... and the only or so images we find about the lifestyle are of sexual content...
For us, it is... Out of sex, I am quite independant and do almost only what I feel to do... I rarely receive requests from him or even list of tasks... I would like to, but I feel he doesn't want to be bothered by that... I have to find out myself, what is tricky... but I am quite happy to be as we are... My happiness is closely attached to being his sexual toy... but you are right, it is not only about that for many...

RAheretic's swan said...

Like the finish on a lovely piece of fine furniture, if this life is done well, it is many, many layers... Too many see what we do as "only" this or "only" that. It is, I believe, the fault of a culture accustomed to the shallowness of our media -- we have forgotten how to see or find the depths of anything.

Thank you for sharing.
swan

Anonymous said...

Hey .. I am a lurker n a Vanilla sorta person..

I didnt realise u were being attacked by anyone.. I am so sorry that u have to go throught this. IT is just soo sily for anyone to disaprove, its ur life ur blog ur wish on what u want to write.

I have to say i love your writting , the way u n ur sir react to each other and everything,... I have been following ur blog for some time n i have nothing but respect for u cos u r doing what makes u happy which is most important ...

HECK anyone else who cant appreciate it .. IT's ur blog if they cant deal with it "WHATEVER"

Best wishes and a big heart .. happy Vday to u n ur sir.. may ur love continue and grow in aburdance


It broke my heart to C there was trouble i hope everything is going great now swettie

littleone said...

i can't resist this....... forgive me??

anonymous.. if you have read this blog as much as you say.. then you know i am a teacher.. and as much as i appreciated your comment.. it brought out the strong urge inside me to drag out the red pen.....

i hope you continue to read here.. and learn..

CLoud said...

Thank god there is someone else to incur the wrath of the red pen. As for sex and bdsm and closets well I can think of lots of things to do in a closet with a slave. And all far them consensual then some vanilla relations that I know of. Should big brother control what we do or should it be between consenting adults?

Lenora said...

I just saw the drama over on the "Freedom" place about the whole "Vanilla" thing, thanks to a post on swan's blog.

Just wanted you to know that I was saddened that the simple use of the word "vanilla" triggered all that. you have nothing to apologzie for . . .

Huggs. All the best to you.

--Lenora

Melinda, mom of Noah said...

Well I followed you over here from Freedom's Place (that name just does not seem too fitting to me). And I personally never would have thought that a place to let any kid read the material...whether it be a parent's or not. I guess it just seemed more like an adult atmosphere...and I don't mean sexual one necessarily.

Anyway....I think you hit the nail on the head about how ignorance breeds contempt or fear, etc. I also believe it breeds apprehension and prejudices which can lead to shunning. BUT FEAR I think top the list.

Whenever I feel uncomfortable about a situation or being around someone with a different lifestyle than I might have I have to stop and ask myself "why?" I usually find out the reason that I am "uncomfortable" is because I am indeed IGNORANT about those same exact things I am fearful of. SO I choose to try educate myself and learn about those things.

I have many friends I met at another blogging community who are very much into BDSM. I feel like such a VIRGIN around them......I mean I know some things...some things I don't know. I have a blast with them. I have another male friend who is more closed-minded than he would ever admit. I had expressed my interest in "understanding" the lifestyle better...so I could understand where my new friends were coming from better. My old friend basically told me HE was NOT interested....he did not agree with that lifestyle at all so he wanted no part of it.

I was stunned. I went forth alone and have made some fabulous new friends. I feel he lost out. I don't think he can see how prejudiced he proved to me he was.....and how that is a reflection of bigotry at its best.

I know I screw up a lot but I try my best to be open and accept all people and if I don't understand their religious preferences or sexual preferences or lifestyles...I try to learn more about those things so I can understand and thus understand them a bit better and have a better relationship with them.

Plus...I understand myself how how quick someone can jump to conclusions....I get that a lot regarding Noah.....just because he has autism.

Anyway...excellent post! Hope you are feeling better!

Melinda, mom of Noah said...

and I just re-read my post and I think I made it sound like I asked my friend to get involved in BDSM with me. HA...that is not what I had asked. I had asked him ONLY TO GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE WITH ME better or to just educate oneself about the lifestyle. I am always game to learn something new. Supposedly he was too...till that topic came up. He was very closed minded to it. And that is fine. I imagine it makes him uncomfortable too because he just does not know enough about it.

SO I was only telling him I had always wondered WHY people WANT to get into that lifestyle.....and I wanted to learn....and I told him I had met some new friend on that other blogging site who were into it...but he made it clear he did not want to get to know them better...BECAUSE THEY were into that lifestyle....because he did not agree with the lifestyle and had no desire to learn more about it.

crap I wish I could learn to be brief. I am sorry

littleone said...

Melinda.. your comment made me laugh out loud.. thank you so much for your support.. you really have no idea how much they touched me...

BUT for those that are interested.. i have just written an email to The Michael - owner and Founder of Freedom's Place and asked Him to remove me from the contributing list..

RAheretic's swan said...

I am sorry (I guess) that you feel you need to leave Freedom's Place, although under the circumstances, I truly do understand. How sad that things turned out as they have.

swan

whitesnake said...

I learnt something.......
Ain't a bad thing me thinks.......