Tinkerbell is doing much better.......... must have been all the clapping i heard (small smile) ... thank you
It was a long afternoon...with lots of talking.. hard talking... and yeah crying....... it was so difficult to get all the words out there.. all the pain.. all the fears and disappointments - on both sides.
There was a big part of me that felt we had taken the fantasized BDSM and tried to make it real.. tried to make it 24/7... some things just don't work with an old body and creaky joints.. and neighbours that walk right past the windows.. like being naked.. or sitting on the floor all the time..
i think we made the mistake of taking some form and trying to use it without any alterations ... now we have taken that form and have already made some big changes to it.. Some fantasies work.. some don't... not for us.. maybe for others but most definitely not for us........
Once the talking was over.. and He held me close and let me feel safe wrapped up in His arms again.. He placed my collar around my neck again. i am owned again.. well not really again.. as it turns out He never intended not to STILL own me.. as we discussed .. He knew exactly what He intended.. the unfortunate thing was .. i didn't have a clue.. i just had an order .. an empty house.. and broken heart.
Now i feel as though we are perched on the top of that proverbial speed bump i talk about.. Sir has gone home to write up new rules.. hopefully more workable rules.. more workable protocols.. i am left to work through the last of the hurt and pain.. and remember no matter what He is just a phone call away........
and as i went downstairs - after writing the above blog entry.. sitting on the little table on the landing was this fairy .. waiting for me .. watching over me.. left by my Sir as He slipped quietly out of the house last night.. and oh yes i cried again !!!