Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Codes and safe words

Well the one good thing about being home sick and helpless and alone is that i have lots of time to think.......... and ponder .. and come up with some really good ideas !!! (ok ok you can all stop laughing now )

Seriously... i was re-reading my post from yesterday .. about Sir giving me the colour codes.. i thought it was a great idea at the time.. but it also felt a bit funny.... i have never had a safe word.. oh wait.. i had a pink squeezy heart thing i was supposed to drop if i ever wanted to stop a session...... but i prided myself in never ever using it...

i have teased Sir from time to time about instituting a "get of trouble" card.... something He would reward me with when i had been exceptionally good.. and i could pull it out and trump a punishment or a session or whatever i felt like trumping whenever i felt like trumping it. (didja follow that one??? !!) It was something Sir never took too..........

But truthfully .. it just didn't feel right having the decision in my hands when to speed up and when not to... my instincts told me not to go yellow.. it felt so damn nice on red. Isn't it a bit human nature to not want to hurt?? and yet with a masochist it is the one thing we really crave... weird situation to be in.. your brain is telling you you are NUTS .. but the body is wanting more.........

Anywayyyyyyyy getting back to the colours.. it didn't feel real .. to be able to control the intensity of the session........ And if you read my blog entry you will have noticed that i never did call "yellow" or "green".. it happened because Sir made it happen.......... that's the way it should be.. for me at least. Having safe words and colour codes and even "get out of trouble" cards make it all one BIG game.. and this isn't a game for me..or Sir for that matter. i realize that for some folks involved in BDSM it is about just the right amount of .. what shall i call it.. "stimulation"?? to get to the point of full sexual arousal. (and i am thinking it may be the way most vanilla folks see it.. ) BUT for Sir and i it isn't about that.. it is a challenge.. seeing how much pain i can take in a session.. how high Sir can raise the bar.. even when i am crying and pleading and begging Him to stop.. (oh yeah.. swan .. on the weekend with the heart clips i do believe i mumbled something along the lines of "Sir Pooh Head" )

As with all walks of life .. all relationships.. everyone does what works for them... and the really nice thing about the BDSM community is that we don't (normally that is) judge what someone else does. Your kink.. my kink sort of thing.


4 comments:

Buffalo said...

I'm going to challenge you on your last paragraph. Over the last couple of years I've followed the links to a number of BDSM based blogs. Many of them were very contemptuous (sp?) of anything vanilla.

RAheretic's swan said...

Oh Dear. First minionette and now you. I am afraid I have started something insidious with that "Pooh Head" business. Go back and read, everyone. That "Pooh Head" dialog was an intenal monolog -- not something said outloud, ladies! I suppose, WITH "Sir" appended, it might fly, but I wouldn't swear to it... Oh my!

swan

Anonymous said...

oh my..I love this post!! Sir and I are preparing to add a third to us, and He was explaining to her that one thing He insists on...He controls play....she cannot nor can I. Either of us can STOP play....aka use our safeword. Everything stops...breath is caught, then discussion regarding why I/she stopped play, and then He will decide if play will continue. So for us, there is no slow down word, because then I/she controls the session. And that dont get it with Sir.
Remember now all, my kink your kink..... *soft smile*
hugs to you doll....
~~martha

SeaRabbit said...

I never been into pain even if I can take some... but I never had a safe word either... yes, it feels a bit 'strange' to say 'All you want, Master" and using a safe word, or any otehr code of comfort zone once it is not exactly what the sub expected...
But... what to do when your tolerance level is weakening?
I am experiencing this actually... I have no idea why, but any slap is making me jumps to the ceiling with stupid Minnie Mouse noises... and yes, I feel rough sex more painful than... let's say a year ago... I'm not even sure that I enjoy it still... (don;t repeat that to anyone... ) What can it be? Therapy influences about abuses? hormonal changes because or menopausal time roaming around? I really wonder... because soon, I'm gonna ask him to go as soft as possible... and I know it is not what he likes...
But using a safe word of any colour is out of question... I prefer go all the way through the noise levels of discomfort than do so... Is it something to persist in... or a silliness I will regret soon?