All the questions that i have been answering these days have led to more questions in my own mind...... one of the questions that has been rolling around in my head is.. (kind of my own spin on Can you be slave and not live with your Dom 24/7??) Can you be collared to a Dom and NOT love Him?? Is it possible to keep any and all deep emotions out of the equation??
i am not entirely sure i can answer my own question...... but ya all know me.. i am gonna try. Simple answer is.. NO.. i don't believe you can be collared to a Dom and not eventually fall in love.
i believe women tend to confuse emotions (some of us. .and some times). We confuse attention and affection as love. We confuse caring and protection as love. (remember these are just my opinions)
Men on the other hand tend to see their role in life as protector and champion of the weaker sex. Love does not play into this equation.. They will defend/protect any female (for the most part)
And we all know from the many different books and theories and psychological studies that have been done that men and women do not think alike.. hells bells even our brains are different.
Therefore.. take one female sub/slave.. and one Dominant male.. put them together in a relationship that requires her to turn over control .. put all her trust in this one person.. allowing Him to use her .. and her body as it suits His will and needs... and if nothing else .. a bond will form between the two. How can it not?? There is a whole mess of trust that comes into play (or should) before a woman allows herself to be tied up and beaten.. or needled.. or whatever. AND then.. for good measure.. throw in some sex play .. and if you ask me you have a receipe for disaster. The female is going to .. eventually.. start processing all this trust .. caring.. sex.. as love.. The male is not going to necessarily have the same reaction to this process.
No matter what is said at the beginning of a BDSM relationship.. no matter what promises are made .. no matter what the damn contract says.. one cannot order the heart not to fall in love.... at least not the female heart.
When Sir and i were first together.. we both agreed it was just for play time.. there were no deep feelings going to arise. Sir was already involved with another female.. She was dominant as well. The original plan was to have Sir and i play together and form a bond of sorts.. and then She would join us and we would form a triad. i was more concerned about landing up having feelings for Her than for Sir.. (weird as that sounds now). Sir and i had a sort of date every Friday - if He was free and if i could get off work early. It was not set in stone.. and certainly in the beginning we didn't see each other every Friday.
But with time.. we started to see each other every Friday.. and sometimes on Saturday.. and once a month on Sunday at the local munch. There were weekends we virtually saw each other every day, for a few hours at least. Things did not really work out as planned as far as forming a triad. But we all continued to mix and match and see each other together and sometimes separately. But the day came when i started to feel like "the other woman". It was a bad time for me. She and i talked.. and She assured me that everything was ok with her.
BUT .. despite all the best laid plans of mice and men........ i realized i was starting to have strong feelings for Sir........ i wasn't supposed to.. it wasn't planned... i .. more than anyone else.. did NOT expect it to happen........... BUT somewhere between the first bondage session.. and the long flogging sessions with sex thrown in for "dessert".. my heart didn't listen to my head. It just happened. And no one was more surprised than i was.. trust me!
You see............ i had been living with a woman for a number of years when i met Sir.. i had identified myself as lesbian. (it just seemed simpler at the time). i was NOT looking for another male in my life when i met Sir.. i was strong! my heart was hard ! i was a tough old bird. BUT despite all that....... the unimaginable happened... i fell in love with Sir.
That is why i honestly believe that a submissive or a slave will find it next to impossible not to have love - or some other strong emotional bond happen with their Dominant. AND given time.. i also believe that the mixed up feelings that are identified as "love" can and do grow to become love......... hopefully between both parties.. but unfortunately sometimes both parties don't.. and then there are broken hearts.. and hurt feelings.. and confusion - especially on the part of the male Dominant who just doesn't understand what He did wrong.