Tuesday, December 12, 2006
i don't know about anyone else....... but honestly i think it is about time to get back to "normal" around The Journey........ and talk about BDSM stuff...
It has been (let me count) almost 3 weeks since i have felt the joy of a flogger or the whip.. or the clamps....... i was thinking about that coming home in the car today.... and i realised i am ambivalent about it..... usually by now i would be climbing the walls... craving the endophin rush.. craving the pain and pleasure.. but i am ambivalent !!! What is THAT about??? me the notorious masochist not craving pain????!!! i wonder if i should be worried....... i know i am a bit nervous.... what if Sir isn't well enough to give me pain - will i be cranky.. snarky and hard to live with or will i breath a huge sigh of relief???
AND worse than that...... i am not horny......... now that is a RED letter day...... me not horny!! what is wrong with me???!! can it be fixed??
Somehow i think it is going to take more than a bandaid to fix this problem........ more than a whole box of bandaids!! It is Tuesday.........3 more days till i see my Sir ...... how do i get fixed in 3 days so that i am at my subbie best when He arrives??
i wonder if daily ''tasks" like so many other subs/slaves have would keep me in the right mind set?? Sometimes Sir sends me little tasks to do when He has to work in the evenings.. but He is a kind and loving Sir.. a GOS (good old Sir) as we love to call Him and He fusses over my being tired.. over my stress levels.. over a multitude of things about me.. and of course He decides what is best for me.. BUT is being left to my own devices/schemes and plans just leading me down the garden path - so to speak. Is all this freedom making me lazy as a sub.. lazy as a masochist... just plain lazy???
i guess only time will tell............