Tuesday, November 28, 2006

thoughts...

Well it has happened again...... my subbie brain is bouncing around from here to there to eternity........... it has to come out or i will explode... (the reference point for most of this blog is from Sir’s blog )

Somedays i feel i can't win for trying...... i have a number of faults....... and i know them!! One of them being that i am anal ...... absolutely anal!! ....... about things having a place and being in their place. Mostly because if i don't operate that way i lose things.. and then i get angry/frustrated cause i can't find things. It is also a trigger for me.. losing things.. not being able to remember where they are........ how many times as a kid did i get heck for losing stuff?? i found the only way to protect myself was to be anal about where things went..... Now we all know it is the sub's job to take care of the Master's toys. i had worked out a rather neat plan for all Sir's toys... they hung on the wall in the play room. Neat tidy and i always knew where everything was. BUT.. best laid plans and all that... the toys move.. they go to play parties.. they go upstairs .. they move.... (sometimes i swear they move on their own!!) And over the last few weeks Sir has been giving me the dickens cause i don't know where things are.... and that old familiar knot in my stomach has reappeared.. Then i realized that sometimes while i am off dancing with the fairies i will put things away and have no memory where..... sometimes Sir will put things away.. and He puts them where He thinks they go best... which is FINE folks!!! absolutely fine... but i need to know where that is! when i am not dancing with my fairies..

Anyway.. all of this is to say i have been feeling stupid and forgetful and inadequate when it came to keeping track of the toys (look at what i went through over the lost cracker on Saturday night) But i was having trouble trying to explain to Sir what was going on...... and i know i made a cheeky (at least i meant it as cheeky)crack about His moving something i was looking for and not telling me.. Well on the weekend Sir moved a beautiful wooden box that sits in the living room and holds some of our BDSM toys..... i was aware that He moved it.. i heard Him move it.. i understood why He moved it......... of course when i needed the damn box.. what did i do?? i went instinctively to the place it usually is......... and then pointed out to Sir how He had moved it.. and i had thought it was lost........... (does anyone understand what i am trying to say here???? i am so damn lost)

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Ok i need a lesson in organising that does not involve mapping everything out.... i need a lesson in how to handle failure and not fall apart (in case you hadn't noticed i am something of a perfectionist and very hard on myself from time to time) i need a lesson on how to stop myself from rolling my eyes and how to keep a poker face......... and yeah maybe i need a lesson on just accepting..........
hells bells maybe... (searching for words to describe this light bulb moment) .... maybe this is all about giving over control........ maybe as much as i like to think i have given over control..... maybe i really haven't??? maybe having everything in it's place and mapped out is really a big control issue........... i am off to scratch my head about that one.........

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oh my god i am in SUCH trouble......... i am never going to be able to visit Texas.... i have more than 4 dildos/vibrators........ if you want to know what i am rambling about you have to check out The Michael’s blog and watch the video he has put up..

i will now pick my jaw up off the floor and move on.........

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Changing the subject completely...... to something a whole lot more fun.. and a whole lot more cheerful........... i am going to be changing the look of The Journey this week...... Christmas is coming and i have signed up for the Holidailies........... same as last year..... and December 1st is fast approaching.... time to get this blog whipped into some holiday spirit...........


7 comments:

RAheretic's swan said...

LOL... you are right, morningstar -- it is a control issue. I have the cure. I will simply send Master to you for awhile. T and I call Him "The Mess-maker," and if there is anyone on the planet who can detatch you from your obsession about neatness and orderliness, He would be it. Even with two of us in constant attendance on His every move and need, the world is a swirl of piles and "lost" items behind the Dear Fellow. I promise, just a bit of time in His company and your compulsive need to control your surroundings will succumb. What do you think? Huh? Giggle!

swan

littleone said...

swan..... thank you for your comments (today and yesterday) i have been negligent in leaving comments on your blog (hanging head) but i have been reading!!

as for your kind offer of sharing your Master?? As much as i know it would probably cure me.. i wouldn't want to deprive you and T from having Him........ so i will pass.. (giggling furiously)

Buffalo said...

You don't have dildoes. You have sex education demonstration devices.

I can relate. As long as a certain woman will leave crap where I put it I will know where in the hell it is when I want it. Things belong where I put them. That place changes on a moment to moment basis and that is okay. In spite of what some people seem to think there is no virtue in "there is a place for everything and everything in its place."

Now I feel better.

littleone said...

Buffalo..... are You saying i am not a virtous woman?? i will now go and pout!

Anonymous said...

Buffalo: That is a personal preference. You recall things on a where you left them basis, but having a specific spot for items would indicate that any person using the item could return the object to the exact spot therefore making it easier for all people to find the object without aggravation.

Just pointing it out this way is more convenient unless you can be sure nobody will ever handle your specific life items.

Having a designated position for things is ultimately a time saving feature in life basically.

littleone said...

anonymous...... somehow i have this feeling (gut feeling) that maybe i know you....... and i am guessing Buffalo knows you?? maybe very well??

anyway.. i am so glad someone else understands the theory "everything in it's place"...

Lady Baltimore said...

What if you did up a tool/toy pegboard wall with outlines of all of the toys?
Or you could color code all of the toys with colored dots. Then designate all of the yellow toys go here, all of the red toys there, etc.

Also, I hope Sir is feeling better.