Thursday, July 06, 2006

Moody.....



A while back i received an email from a submissive asking me if i was prone to mood swings..... it took me back a bit....... i realized that my blog entries do go up and down in mood/reflection.. because of that email .. i have tried very hard to only write positive up mood entries........ but ya know what!? PFFFFFFFT on that! i am a moody person.. maybe it is the joy of menopause.. maybe it is just who i am... maybe it is because life is never perfect and sometimes it just sucks big time!! Whatever the reason.. i am blue today... the usual cleaning chores bring me no joy.. in fact i even put the TV on.. which is mind blowing.. i HATE TV!!!

i was trying to figure out what my problem was.. no that's not true .. i know what it is.. i was trying to figure out to handle it..... Because of some issues i have had with the heat .. both on Monday laying the damn tiles.. and Tuesday at a funeral.... yesterday i went and cut off all my hair... and i do mean all off... am i happy with the cut??? shrug.. i am not entirely sure.. but i do know when the humidity makes my hair stick to my head now .. i don't look quite so much like a drowned rat.. and i guess that is a good thing........

i realize i am a high maintenance sub.. and all the great articles out there about
high maintenance subs isn't gonna change one thing in my life......i realize life just puts high demands on Sir.. and i must learn to find my place in His life.. i have been struggling with my feelings of need and want...... all morning long i have this image in my head of a wilting flower... desperately needing some water and sunlight.... it kinda feels like that inside of me.. deep inside.. and there is nothing anyone can do....

i decided being invisible is what is needed right now... and so if i don't post to my blog for a couple of days... that is the reason.. i am gonna just keep on keeping on.. and eventually some semblance of normalcy will return .. right?

(yesterday i posted to the photojournal....... i do LOVE everything oriental!)

6 comments:

anna said...

You are who you are and there's nothing wrong with you. You feel with intensity - it's a beautiful quality - and that means your highs tend to be very high and your lows very low. The people who love you love this about you. The others... well, no one really cares about what they think of you.

RAheretic's swan said...

I think that all of us who write these things honestly struggle with this implied judgement -- "your blog is up or down or plain or fancy or literate or dull or..." Whatever someone who is outside sees in whatever it is we share of who we are in the moments that we choose to write. You are simply honestly you in each of the moments you share. This writing "works" best (I think) when it is least self-edited. That is a difficult standard to maintain, because it is very hard to not "feel" the weight of those who read. Take whatever time you need... and then write what comes.

swan

darlingina said...

hi morningstar,
i've gotten all caught up on all your posts, smiles. Sounds like all in all things are going quite well for you and your Sir and that makes me smile. your patio looks fantastic. you did a great job and should be so proud in spite of your poor lil finger. i'm thinking your new hair cut probably looks beautiful too. i often wish that i could get up the nerve to cut mine, but i always chicken out. i completely understand your "blue" mood and feelings of need and want. Which is why i myself have been invisible lately. i only wish that i were as good at expressing all these feelings i have here like you do. you are a very special girl indeed. Take care and know that i haven't forgotten you here. i'm still reading and loving your writing. Thank you. :o)
Love & Peace,
~gina~

rustie marie said...

I think that those who are most sensitive to the subtle nuances of everyday life tend to have lots of highs and lows (often not much in between, though!). Guess that's the price we pay for feeling things deeply. Please don't worry about the moods of your blog postings. Your blog is, first and foremost, yours. We are fortunate that you choose to share it with us, but it should never be a reflection of what you think we want to read. Just keep being yourself. That's why we visit. :-)

~rustie

Lady Baltimore said...

I've always thought that in general, your blog is very positive. That's why I like it.

ronnie said...

thanks for being real and sticking to youre truth. i think iv always lived in that place,the world doesnt embrace somberness i think their frightened of their own humanity. as a top training to be a master its helpfull to me to more assertive/available to my subs/bottoms.i view so called high maintenance as that of a surrendered servant{not easy if you have an insensitive master/top}.